Review: G-Vibe 2 A Toy for Women, Men and Couples

If you read a lot of my reviews you'll already know that I am an aesthetic kinda chick when it comes to sex toys. Shape, colours and packaging are really quite important to me, as well as (of course) the functionality of the toy itself. I mean, you can have a fabulous looking toy made out of the softest, silkiest silicone resting in the most luxurious looking box, but if it fails to hit the spot, then none of that outside stuff matters. Similarly I have come across toys that are ugly and weird-looking with packaging that looks like it was dug up from some time-warped 1970s porno but, when put to the test, have rocked my socks. I just don't particularly like looking at them when they're down there doing their thing, and they certainly aren't the sort of toy I'd bring out in company.

But chuck all of that pretty, buzzy goodness into one toy, and you have yourself a complete fan.

Enter the G-Vibe 2.

This is a toy I have been wanting to try since I saw the first version a couple of years ago. It's unique shape was the first thing to catch my eye and then, after I had a small hand play with it to test the feel of the material and go through all of the functions, I was determined to get one and see if it was all it seemed to be when resting in my hands.

Let me say, it pretty much is. There are a few little things I found didn't quite hit the mark, but really, almost all those things probably come down to my body and my needs and, because everyone is different, they might not be the same for you.

Probably one of the best, and most unique aspects of this toy is it can be used as a solo toy for both women or men and can also be incorporated into couples play too! It's pretty damn versatile really. It absolutely impressed me.

Let's start with the specs.

Made of medical grade, silky smooth silicone, it really does feel beautiful in your hands and against your skin. It is 100% waterproof and is rechargeable so you don't need to worry about batteries. The charger is magnetic and can be a bit temperamental, so just make sure it's in a place it won't accidentally get moved or something.
It takes about an hour or two to fully charge up and then lasts for around four hours of continual play.

It has three powerful but quiet motors, one in each arm near the tips and one in the main shaft, and has six different vibration pulses as well as eight (yes eight!) different speeds.

The two “V”shaped ends are flexible and can be pushed together or spread out, although you do need to hold them in position or they return to their original shape.

It comes nestled in a pretty box and has a silky bag to store it in if you don't want to keep it in the box.

The handle is easy to hold and the buttons are simple to work out (one goes up in speed, one goes down and the other changes the pulse settings) and they're super easy to press.

One of the cool things that comes in the box is a set of illustrations showing you all the different ways you can use the toy and, for the most part, they are pretty good. Although there are a couple that are a bit silly and make no sense or really don't do what they claim.

Like a Rabbit

Using both arms to stimulate both the inside of your vagina and the clitoris and vulva you can simulate the sensations you get from a rabbit vibe. Because the arms are quite flexible you can push them against you to a few different angles to get the best feelings. Several of the vibration settings alternate several buzzes and pulses at the same time and also swap them between arms creating interesting, almost unpredictable sensations. You can use it to stimulate both vaginally and anally at the same time and, because the arms stretch out if you push down, you can get it to reach both the clitoris and anus at the same time too.

That Full-Up Feeling

Something I hear from a lot of women is that, although they often enjoy the feeling of being full, the pressure and strain that a thick vibrator can put on the opening and the walls of their vagina can be uncomfortable or even sometimes painful. The great thing about the G-Vibe 2 is that you can have your full-up cake and eat it too without the fear of that pressure. Squeezing the two arms together you insert the toy and, as it enters it begins to fall open to its natural state, the arms push gently against the walls without putting any undue pressure on you.

For Him

It's very rare for a toy to be so versatile it can be used in a variety of ways for both sexes. Sure with other toys you can improvise with buzzes on bits and that's awesome, but the G-Vibe 2 has some great features that make it really awesome and easy for men to use.

Sliding the cock between the two “Vs” gives a great tingling all-over buzz to the penis and you can hold it there for all sorts of couples activities too (see below).

Pushing the “V”open and resting them between the balls and the perineum also feels (according to the husbandman) “really fucking cool.” and, if he is so inclined, you can use it anally to stimulate his G-spot.

Couples Play

Using toys together as a couple is a great way to enhance your sex life. Having that extra stimulation and the means to play and experiment with sensation is a really awesome way to open up and explore your and your partner's sexuality and sexual needs. With the G-Vibe 2 you can incorporate the toy into oral sex, Spanish style (that's tit-fucking in non-crass speak), even intercourse to really jazz up the moment.

I will say, the picture of the oral sex and resting the toy on your chin is a little bit weird and I'm not too much into my whole jaw tingling like that. It made my ears tickle and I felt like I needed to sneeze... But if you slide the penis into the “V” and hold it there instead it stops your face from jiggling and still creates the awesome sensations for him.

It Just Doesn't... Work that way

As well as the resting the toy on your jaw pic, there are a couple of others that just don't seem to work for me... Or really for anyone. The most obvious of these is the nipple one. I'm sorry, but I've been selling this toy in retail shops for a couple of years now (the first version and this one) and I have never ever EVER come across someone who has boobs that close together. The scale of the toy they've used in this pic is way off and even when I squeeze my boobs together as close as they can get, yeah I can sort of get them both... But holy crap it's not comfortable nor sexy. I'm really not sure why they've kept that illustration in. In every other review I have read on both versions 1 and 2, the verdict on this particular position has been one of “that just doesn't work!”

Considering the number of ways you can use this toy, it seems weird they've left instructions in for one that really, really doesn't.

Overall, apart from the boob pic and the jaw tickling, this is one amazing toy with some of the most versatile features I've ever come across. I would definitely recommend this to people who are nervous about introducing toys into their bedroom because of the fact it has great uses for both male and female users and also as a couples toy so it could potentially break down those barriers of “vibrators are just for girls”and the common worry men can have of “if she's got a vibrator does that mean I'm not doing it for her” and similar concerns like that.

For those reasons, and all the other awesome ones I've described up there, I give this toy an 8.5 out of ten.

Happy Buzzing, My Friends

Review: Fun Factory Stronic Eins

I've been testing and reviewing toys for years now and over that time I've enjoyed watching the industry grow and change. I've seen improved, softer, smoother materials. New shapes to replace the typical lady finger style, bright colours that have moved away from flesh coloured penises, and fresh attitudes towards them creating more acceptance for women to buy and use them. It's been liberating and exciting to be part of, but, in saying all that, it's actually really rare that something new catches my attention as something "different".

I mean essentially vibrators and dildos, as much as they've changed, are still basically the same. Regardless of whether they use batteries, or have a rechargeable power source, or even plug into mains power, at the end of the day they buzz, they tickle, they go in and around your bits and help make your sex life more exciting and stimulating.

There have only been a few toys in the past ten or so years that have wowed me to the point of "oh my god this is so brilliant and so innovative why didn't I think of this!"

The two that come instantly to mind for me are the We-Vibe range and the Jimmy Jane Form Two, and now I am pleased and a little excited to add another genuinely different type of toy to this exclusive list.
The Stronic range from Fun Factory.

The first time I saw one I thought "Oh yeah, just another rechargeable straight vibe with bright colours". Nice and smooth, cool colours and magnetically chargeable, but not "different" . And then I turned it on.

From the instant I felt it move in my hands I wanted to try one and, luckily for me and the work that I do, it wasn't long before an awesome company (the good folk over at Sex Toys 24/7) offered me one, the Stronic Eins, to try.

So what is it about this toy that makes it so different? Unlike almost every vibrator out there, regardless of shape or style, this toy does not simply vibrate - although there are some settings that have vibration included.

No. This toy is different. This toy thrusts. Like actually thrusts in and out. This is due to two large ball bearings that move up and down the shaft and push it back and forth. Seriously strong movements, I reckon this thing would kick arse in a vibrator race.

It's made of phthalate free silicone and has a thick, solid feel about it. It has three really simple to use buttons. One to turn it on and off and two (a + and a -) that change the speed, rhythm and intensity of the thrusts. All up it has ten different settings from slow pulses to fast thumping, vibrating awesomeness and blended mixtures of them all.

Because of the thick, matte silicone you need quite a lot of lube to make sure it's properly slippery (I'd recommend something water-based and thick like Wicked's Toy Love lube) and, although I've read several releases from the company that claim it can be used hands-free, this requires great concentration and mega strong kegels which not everyone has so you may need to hold it in place a bit to make sure it doesn't fall out, but once it's turned on the sensations it gives are not like anything I've ever felt before from a sex toy.

It sort of thumps and pushes and pulsates inside you. Awesome for internal and g-spot stimulation.
I can honestly say it felt pretty damn good. If you're like me however, and rarely, if ever, orgasm from penetration alone (and according to research around 80% of women can't), you'll probably need a little extra help "getting over the orgasm hill". All good, folks. One of my trusty, buzzy bullet-style vibes did the trick and all I can say is WOW! The buzz, matched with the thumping, pulsing, thrusting movements from the Eins, kept my orgasm going for longer and stronger than when I just use a vibrator. It was an all over orgasm. Clitoral, vaginal and mental. It was, in the simplest of terms, fucking sensational.

If you don't like the idea of having to use two hands to hold both the Eins and a bullet you could always slip a vibrating cockring over the shaft to add to the clitoral stimulation and I reckon that'd work just as well.

As I mentioned earlier about kegels, this thing will definitely help with the training and strengthening of them because your vagina squeezes and holds on to it and it's also really fun to have someone else using it on you and keeping it in place.

It charges magnetically and, although I've used it quite a few times since its initial charge, it's still going strong.

It's 100% waterproof so you can submerge it in the bath and also comes with a two year manufacturers warranty.

I really rate this toy. For innovation, uniqueness, sensation and performance. If you're looking for something new and different to add to your toy box they don't come much better than this.

There are three Stronics in the range so far, the Eins the Zwei and Drei (one two three), and each one has the same amazing thrust technology but are slightly different in texture and shape. 

To check them out go HERE and do yourself and your orgasms a favour.

Until next time, 
Happy buzzing (or thrusting), my friends!

Review: Nu Sensuelle Point

 Okay, girls. Are you looking for a small, clitoral vibe that has power and functions beyond your wildest imagination?

Do you want it sleek and smooth? Whisper quiet? Super easy to clean and store? Rechargeable and with a super long life? Want warranties and assurances? And all for under $100.00?

Of course you do! So, let me introduce you to one of the best and most powerful toys I have ever come across which has all these features and more and, considering how many toys I get to test and play with every month, that's a pretty big call.

The Nu Sensuelle Point (by S.Wet) is this toy; Small and compact enough to carry around in your handbag, powerful enough to elicit the most intense orgasms and sensations and so quiet sometimes the only way you know it's on is cos there's a little light on the bottom and, when you turn it on in your palm it rolls around like a crazy thing!

I seriously love this toy. Not only does it have three ridiculously strong vibration levels, it also has an extra 17 (yes, you read correctly SEVENTEEN) pulse settings. All up, that makes this a twenty function toy which is just crazy!

It is fully rechargeable and has a cute little stand to sit in while it recharges. The flashing red light will let you know when it's charging and then turns green and solid when it's fully charged. It only takes an hour or so to charge up from being fully dead and then lasts for bloody ages! I have had this toy for a few months now and it gets used fairly regularly and I have only had to charge it a couple of times.

The best toy to compare it to would be (another favourite of mine) the We-Vibe Salsa. It's about the same size and shape but has a more matte finish than a shiny one, and is also about five times more powerful on its highest settings.

Because of its small size it doesn't get in the way of stuff if you want to use it as an accompaniment to sex and, because of its super powerful buzzes, it can also be felt by your partner when you use it while fucking.

The only things I would say could be improved on this toy are that it isn't fully waterproof so you can't take it into the bath with you (although it's water resistant so you can take it into the shower if you're careful), and it doesn't have a “pulse memory” so, if you find a favourite setting, you have to push through them all to get to it every time you turn it on and, if you accidentally skip past it while pushing through, you have to go through the whole lot again.

One more improvement that could possibly be made is that the silicone material it is made out of is pretty hard. These guys also do a twenty function, rechargeable buttplug and I think the softer silicone they use on that one would be a good alternative for people who prefer their toys a little less rigid.

But really, these are minor points compared to the stuff I really love about this toy. It has taken pride of place in my top bedside drawer and just a quick spray and wipe with a good toy cleaner is all you need to do to keep it clean and hygienic.

I have quite a few more of this brand to review so stay tuned! So far I haven't come across a bad one!

I give the Nu Sensuelle Point a 9/10 and highly recommend it to all you clit-buzzing, bullet-loving girls out there!

Until next time,

Happy buzzing, my friends!

Review: We-Vibe 4

I really like We-Vibes. I have tried, tested and reviewed quite a few of their products (you can read some of them, as well as loads of other sex-based stuff I write, here yes click it it's a link ) and have always enjoyed them, especially their couples toys. I will admit that some of the earlier versions  had some issues with certain usability factors but they were still fun and enjoyable and, as each update came along, those issues were sorted out to make it better and better. And now we have come to the 4.

            The We-Vibe 4 is different to the others in a few ways. The first being the material it is made out of. Gone is the slick, shiny silicone which, especially when all lubed up, had a tendency to move about a bit and lose it's hold. It's been replaced with a more matte silicone that is smooth and velvety to the touch and doesn't get anywhere near as slippery. They have also changed the size and shape a bit. The toy itself is smaller and the insertable end isn't as bulbous as the previous ones, but still manages to hit the spot like the We-Vibe III did.

            The vibrations also seem to have improved with more intensity to the buzzes and, although there are a few differences to the pulse patterns, all six of the settings are good and suitable for everyone's  different preferences of strength and vibration.

            The remote is a bit different too. Where as on the III there was just one button to push through the modes, the We-Vibe 4 has four easy to use buttons that can increase the intensity (up for more, down for less and to turn off) and change back and forth (side to side) through the settings so you don't always have to go right through the whole sequence to get back to the one you like best.

            To use it all you have to do to turn it on is push down the little button on the front end of the toy for about two seconds and then either push through that to get to the sequence and intensity you like, or use the remote. Just hold the remote next to the toy and press the top button down for a few seconds and it syncs up. If you need to, use a bit of lube (always use a water-based lubricant with toys as some silicone ones can damage the material) to insert the smaller end and then the larger end rests nicely against your clitoris. It can be a great toy to use solo, but as a couples toy, it really comes into its own when your partner slides in next to it. The G-Spot is stimulated, the clitoris is stimulated and the penis is as well. My partner really enjoyed it. He said the material felt nice and the inserted part was not distracting or in the way at all and the vibrations were “sensational”. It really is a great toy for everyone!

            The remote control (which comes with a lithium coin cell battery) has a range of around three metres and, because the toy has a really quiet motor, it could be a fun thing to take out on a naughty dinner date or shopping trip. The new, less slippery silicone, means that it won't slide around too much if you're standing or walking and the remote is small and discrete enough for your partner to put in their pocket and push at their discretion.

            It's fully waterproof (not the remote though) and really easy to clean with a good toy cleaner or antibacterial soap, and it comes with a stand to sit in while it charges. It charges via usb, which can be a bit tricky if your computers are in a part of the house that other people use, but a converter plug is cheap and easy and then you can charge it wherever you like.

All in all this new version of the We-Vibe is a real winner and I think the only thing they could maybe do to improve on it (We-Vibe 5 perhaps) would be a feature where you could have the two motors able to be doing different pulses and sequences at the same time, to really maximise enjoyment and buzz-ability.

I give this new version a 9/10 and think it is definitely an upgrade We-Vibe lovers will enjoy.

 

After first publishing this I have become made aware of the newest We-Vibe upgrade which will be hitting our shelves sometime in the next month or so: The We-Vibe 4 Plus. This is pretty much the same as the We-Vibe 4, but it can be controlled via a smart-phone app... From anywhere IN THE WORLD!!!

Needless to say... I WANT ONE!
Will Keep you all posted. Until then...
Happy Buzzing, my friends!

UPDATE!! OMG I am so so excited to announce I will be reviewing some amazing new products for the awesome crew at Sex Toys 247 (It's a link! Click it!!) First one will be a We-Vibe 4+
See! Dreams do come true!!

Review: Palm Power by Swan

As most people who read my reviews know, I am a buzz girl. A clitoris chick. An outie. While I don't mind vaginal and G-Spot stimulation (and am slowly learning to get the best out of it) when it comes to solo play and the best way to orgasm, I always default to the buzz.

I own a couple of wand toys and have always been impressed with the strength of the vibrations so I wasn't expecting anything that new or exciting with the new wand-like toy, The Palm Power Massager, from the makers of Swan. Boy, was I wrong.

This toy has buzz. Serious fucking buzz. Even the lowest setting is stronger than the fastest setting of some other toys I own which makes for some seriously good, toe-curling orgasms. It also plugs into the mains so there are no batteries to change or charging times to wait for before you use it. It is controlled by a single button which you push to turn on and then hold down to increase the power and then a single push turns it off. You can't move up and down through the speeds which can be a bit frustrating, but overall it is really simple to use and doesn't get confusing with all different buttons and pulses and settings like some other toys can.

One of the cool things that sets this toy apart from other wands are the interchangeable caps you can buy as extras. The toy comes with a small rounded head which can be popped off and replaced with four different shaped and sized caps for other functions. The two different packs (containing two heads each) are the PalmSensual and the PalmBody attachments.

PalmSensual contains the Palm Below cap which is a G-Spot stimulator attachment and the Palm Dual that works in the same way as a rabbit vibe, with an insertable piece and a clitoris stimulator on the side.

The PalmBody attachments are directed at other parts of your body that may need massaging. The Palm Finger has two prongs set close together for more localised muscle manipulation, and the Palm Arm has them further apart and is designed to run along your arm or leg for a muscle massage. These two caps really do work well for back, neck and arm massages, but can also be used as sex toys for both the female and the male. Seriously, you can stroke the penis between the two prongs of the arm massager and get a fantastic sensation (according to the husbandman).

All the caps are made of silicone and, although the wand itself is not waterproof, the caps are all very easy to take off and wash.

I would say this toy ticks all the clitoris boxes and can even, after a few orgasms, be a bit too powerful for even me to handle (lucky it takes a while to get to that stage). But I love it. It has a permanent spot on the power board next to my bed and has made my Hitachi almost redundant.

Happy buzzing, my friends!

The Missing Lessons... Sex Education and LGBTI Youth.

As I have been reiterating throughout my last few blogs, sex education in schools needs a major overhaul. New conversations need to be had, new topics need to be raised, and new approaches must be made. The classes barely scrape the surface of the vast universe that is sex and there is one group of teenagers who are really suffering and missing out on vital information that specifically speaks to them. LGBTI youth.

In the course of writing my book, A Girl's Guide To Getting Off, I drew on many sources for research, inspiration and information. A lot of it came from my own personal experiences and memories as a teenager and, from talking to many teens, I found that not much has really changed at all. All kids go through what we went through. Sure, the technology and fashion may have changed, but really, that's about it. Kids today have the same doubts, fears, questions and desires as I did way back in the olden days of the early 90s (no, seriously, my daughter once asked me if the world was black and white when I was a kid).

The one thing that I found hard to draw on personal experience from, however, was LGBTI issues. Although I identify as bisexual now (and always had girl crushes and things throughout school) I don't think it was ever something I really thought about much beyond the desire of wanting to try it out (which I did). But because I was always attracted to boys as well, and that's where I focused most of my sexual energy, I never felt I really missed out or was excluded from the conversations we had about sex.

One of my close friends, however, missed out big time. She never told anyone she was gay, not until we had all left school and moved on with our lives, but in a conversation we had recently she told me how isolated she had felt in those classes. How abnormal and weird. That because she had absolutely no desire to have children one day and even less of a desire to have a penis anywhere near her vagina, she thought that perhaps there was something wrong with her.

The only time people ever really mentioned “gay” was when the footy jocks were picking on one of the nerdy kids, lesbians were thought of as big, angry, leather jacket wearing hard-arses, and I think most of us thought transsexuals were drag queens. There was no talk of same sex couples or of same sex sex in our health and sex classes. There was literally nothing.

Fast forward 25 years and, even though these days most kids are aware of the diversity of relationships and many of them are angry and confused about the inequality towards same sex marriage and other discriminations that occur for LGBTI people, the education they are receiving in schools is as backwards and silent as it was back then.

Like I said, I have no real experience of being a gay teenager. I can really only imagine how hard it would be to be going through the things all teenagers go through, and having this added worry of coming out, being accepted by your parents, and trying to figure out what this crazy sex thing is all about. I mean, at least straight kids get a basic understanding of the act and what is supposed to happen.

Because of my lack of experience and knowledge on the subject I spoke with quite a few teenage girls who identify as queer and talked to them about the education they were or were not receiving and any discrimination they felt they were subjected to.

Here's what some of them said in their own words.

“When we did sex ed, one of my friends asked how lesbians have sex. Our teacher sent her out of the room. She wasn't even asking in a rude way. She just wanted to know. I was too scared to ask anything after that” - Kim 16

“There's no way I'd even bring it up. Half the kids in my school have no idea what trans is anyway. I don't even know if I know. But I won't find out at school” - J 16

“One of my friends went to our care support teacher and complained about people who were making homophobic remarks, as they were 'triggering' him. She told him that he shouldn't talk about the fact that he was gay, because that was a 'trigger' to homophobic people. It made several of my friends and I feel very unsafe and not cared for.” - Heather 16

“When we did sex ed I said something like 'Gross. I don't want a penis anywhere near me. I'll take a vagina any day!' I was sent to the principals office and he told me I had been offensive. When I asked him why, he refused to tell me.” - Kayla 17

“My dad is gay too. It's just the two of us at home. When I asked about gay sex in our health class my teacher said they weren't allowed to talk about it and I should ask my parents. I asked her what a gay man would know about lesbian sex. She got really embarrassed and didn't look at me for the rest of the class” - Penny 15

Over the past eighteen months I have learnt one thing that, although I always kinda gathered, has been proven and has stuck with me. Kids aren't stupid. They've never been stupid. They just have stupid adults around them telling them what they can and can't think, what is acceptable, and what is unacceptable to talk about, especially in the sex education classroom. But it's wrong. These are our kid's lives, their heads, their personalities and sexualities and it is absolutely unfair to exclude them in the conversation for any reason at all.

It's not just about the LGBTI kids either, it's about all of them. It's about modelling acceptance and tolerance (I hate that word). It's about including every colour of the rainbow in our teachings about sex and relationships so that no kid feels alone or weird or a freak just because of who they are attracted to and so that no kid feels it is right and justified to exclude or discriminate against someone because of their sexuality.

Because although kids aren't stupid, they can be sponges who pick up everything they see and hear and it's our job as adults and teachers and guides to make sure everyone is treated equally and fairly and that all education, including sex, is encompassing and inclusive.

Bad Advice Throughout The Years

In the research for my book, A Girl's Guide To Getting Off, I have emailed, Skyped, Facebooked and talked face to face with dozens and dozens (maybe even hundreds) of women of all ages (from around 13 to over 70) about sex and the sex education they received and I have to say that on some topics I was sad to see that not a lot has changed over the years.

Across all ages I have encountered girls who had no idea what was happening when they got their period, women completely disgusted by the look of their own genitals, women afraid to touch themselves for all manner of reasons and fears, and girls told that what they wear or how they act will make them somehow responsible for their own rapes or sexual assaults.

Today I would like to share with you some of the bad advice they were given.

(All names have been changed)

On Periods

“I was bleeding. I had no idea what it was. I thought I was dying. I went and told my mother and she slapped me! Slapped me right in the face, gave me a packet of pads and told me to never speak about it again.” - Sue 71

“My mum came to me when I was about twelve and told me I would start bleeding from my private bits soon and that these [pads] would help soak it up. She didn't tell me what it was or why. Just that it would happen and happen a lot. It wasn't til I was about sixteen that a friend explained it to me. Up until then I thought it happened to boys too.” - Liz 50

“It happened at school camp when I was about 14. I woke up in the middle of the night and thought I was going to die. My year co-ordinator was so lovely. She gave me pads and told me what was happening. When I got home and told my mum all she said was 'You're a woman now.'” - Carly 18

On Boys

“Mum told me to never let a boy pay for everything on a date because then he would expect certain things. She didn't tell me I had the right to refuse or that he had no right to demand. Only that the best way to avoid it was to make sure you didn't 'owe' him anything” - Jessie 37

“I have always been told, since I was a kid, if a boy is mean to you it means he likes you. That's led to some pretty fucked up relationships I can tell you. I will never tell my kids that. If someone is mean to you, it's because they are a mean person. End of story.” - Anne 29

“My older brother has never had a curfew. I always have. When I questioned it my dad said it's because girls get raped and boys don't. When I said that maybe that should mean boys shouldn't be allowed out rather than stopping girls he told me I didn't know what I was talking about. Talk about double standards” - Debbie 17

On What You Wear

“My father telling me I wasn't leaving the house in that was almost constant. When my breasts began to get really big he made me cover them in a cardigan, no matter how hot it was. He told me it was because boys get ideas and he wasn't going to have his daughter be the one to give it to them.” - Sara 40

“My mum told me it was a shame I had big boobs because everything I wore made me look like I was asking for sex.” - Anne 29

“My mum always says if you dress like a slut you'll be treated like a slut. I've been treated pretty bad just in jeans and a top so I don't think she's getting the whole picture.” - Kerry 19

On Sexual Assault

“When I was 19 I was raped. I went to the police and they kept asking me what I had been wearing and if I had led him on. It was really horrible. The fact I had a black eye and scratches all over me didn't seem to matter. One of the cops even said if I hadn't made such a fuss maybe [the rapist] wouldn't have hit me so hard.” - Fern 50

“I had big boobs in high school. I got used to the boys trying to touch them and grab them when I walked past. If you complained they called you frigid. I actually didn't think about it til years later how completely wrong it was” - Jessie 37

“When I was in grade seven I complained to my teacher that the boys in my class were trying to feel me up. She told me 'boys will be boys' and to not encourage it by wearing my school skirt so short” - Hayley 17

On Losing Your Virginity

“On my wedding day [I was 22] my mother pulled me aside and told me that now I was a wife I had specific duties. One was to let him touch me with whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. She said it would hurt but I would get used to it.” - Carol 68

“My mum told me to save myself for marriage or I would get a bad reputation. She said it was okay for boys because boys needed the practice to make sure they were good husbands. It never made any sense! Who were they supposed to be practising on and why couldn't I practice to be a good wife? She never answered my questions. She just said not to do it.” - Jennifer 39

“My mum hasn't really said anything to me or my sister about sex. She gets really embarrassed about it. She gave us a book though. That helped us learn a bit more, but I don't know. The girls at school says it hurts.” - Alannah 15

On Masturbation

“My mother caught me masturbating in the bath once. She screamed and told me I was dirty and going to hell and that I was to never, ever touch myself there again. Of course I didn't listen. I just made sure I was more careful about where I did it.” - Sara 40

“My mum told me if I touched myself down there it would ruin my vagina (she didn't actually use that word. She just called them 'bits') and that no man would ever want to marry me.” - Anne 29

“My mum has never talked to me about it ever. I wouldn't know how to talk to her about it either.” - Hayley 17

                                                                       *****

So much confusion. So much wasted self doubt. So much bullshit! All in the name of what? Protection? Fear? All that has done for most of these women is left them feeling unsure, abnormal and completely unaware of their own bodies, their own sexuality, their own pleasure. Not a life I wish for my daughter, nor yours.

I absolutely believe it is imperative that we open the doors to honest and proper sexual education and allow teenagers to explore, learn and develop without any fear of judgement or punishment and without ridiculous scare tactics and untruths about what will happen.

Yes, sex is an activity that comes with responsibility and risk but then so is almost everything we undertake as we grow from children into adults. Let's be true educators. True guides. After all truth is knowledge and knowledge is the key to all greatness and that is what I wish for my daughter and yours.

Sex Education and the lack of it. Or, Why the hell did I write my book?

I have finally finished writing my book, A Girl's Guide To Getting Off, and other things you won't learn in sex ed.

It all began when I was running a group of skillshare events with a friend about sexual pleasure, sex toys and Gspots and all the good things sex can do and discovering how many women over forty had never had an orgasm or even knew what pleasures their bodies were capable of. They were telling me things like "I wish I'd learnt all this as a teenager. It would have saved me a lot of confusion, self doubt and bad decision making as an adult."
It got me thinking of my own sex education and what I wish for my daughter... And I looked and I looked, and I found very little age appropriate stuff on the matter of sex and pleasure and relationships and all of the things we are supposed to automatically know when we "grow up".
So... Being the go-getter that I am, and a person who knows quite a lot about sex, pleasure and how to get the best out of it, I wrote it myself. And below are just some of the many other reasons this book needs to be out there...

Publishers please take note, and check your slush piles. I'm sure it's hiding in there somewhere

Technology is amazing. I mean, the things we can do nowadays! I can have a live video phone conversation with someone sitting in a grass hut in Africa. I can go on a virtual deep sea dive in an almost inaccessible part of the world. I can read the entire works of Shakespeare and all the Mr Men books and then take a tour of The Louvre while listening to a live Doors concert and I don't even have to get out of bed!

The wealth of information that comes through these little lit-up screens in our hands and on our laps is so far beyond 2000 it's crazy. Everything can be found by Googling it and I mean everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. Really, really ugly.

Yes, technology these days is amazing, but it can be fraught with problems too. One of the main issues that comes from such a huge influx of information is that it can be tricky to separate the truth from the lies, the real from the fake. And, if we lack the ability to process all this information in a way that helps us understand what we are seeing, why we are seeing it and what it all actually means, it can become a very dangerous thing.

One of the groups most vulnerable to the exposure of false, misleading and damaging information are teenagers. The brain is still developing, traits like reason and risk management are still developing or changing, and (as we are all aware) teenagers already know everything, so they can't be logically explained to or told otherwise. And now, with this universe of information in their pockets, they can claim to be experts on almost anything and have the “proof” to back it up.

Now that's all well and good when it comes to the latest Xbox game or the season finale of The Walking Dead, but when it comes to things that can be potentially life changing and damaging we, as adults, parents, friends and members of the universe, have a duty of care to make sure our younger generations are given the right information and tools to move into adulthood with minimum damage. It's fantastic that all this information is out there literally at your fingertips, but giving kids free reign of it all and not helping them process and understand it is as dangerous as letting a toddler play with an oven and figure out for themselves why their hands are getting burnt.

And this is all too obvious when it comes to sex. Proper sex education of young people is in decline. Parents are too afraid or embarrassed to talk to their kids about sex and teachers are afraid of the parents' reactions to their teachings and therefore keep it so basic that nothing is really taught and real questions are not being answered,and so a lot of kids end up in situations they cannot understand or process properly.

It's an illogical circle really. I won't tell my kids about sex, pleasure, orgasms, safety, consent, relationships and then they will never ever do it til I think they're old enough to handle it, and in doing so push their kids to the step of finding it out for themselves and inevitably seeing and experiencing worse.

The thing is plenty of teenage kids are going to have sex. Whether you want them to or not. They will. They have been for generations. And will for years to come. It's normal exploration. Telling them not to doesn't work and telling them not to without any good reasons is even worse. Telling them that sex is dirty, dangerous, bad and wrong is also not going to stop them. What it will do, however is make sure they are uninformed, unsafe, irresponsible and completely against coming to you for any help or advice when things do happen that are less than desired like pregnancy, STIs or sexual assault.

I recently heard of a woman who kicked her 15 year old daughter out of her home because she had got pregnant. Her reason? “I told her not to have sex. She didn't listen. What will the community think of the sort of mother I am who lets her teenager get pregnant.”

I'd be more worried about what the “community” would think of me as a mother who throws a young, pregnant vulnerable child out onto the street... But maybe that's just me.

She hadn't taught her daughter about safe sex. About condoms or the pill. About any of that. She truly believed that no information and “banning” her from doing it was the way to go. It wasn't. It isn't. And it never will be.

In 2011 the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society conducted a survey among nearly 300 secondary school teachers of sexual health from every jurisdiction in Australia including government, Catholic and independent schools.

Some of the key findings were:

* Most sex education teachers are female teachers trained in PE and health.

* Sixteen percent of teachers had no outside training whatsoever, and the majority of those who did attended a one day seminar with only a single focus, which was mainly reproduction.

* Only a quarter of all surveyed teachers had external help from organisations that specialise in sex education.

* Most sex education classes are given to students in years nine and ten with very little being taught in years eleven and twelve.

* Less than fifty percent of respondents taught about the pleasure of sexual behaviour/activity which suggests that Australian sex education focuses more on the negative outcomes rather than an overall approach.

* Over half of all the teachers surveyed said they found it hard to fit sex education into the curriculum as it wasn't allocated time.
* A fifth of all respondents cited a lack in training and resources as to why they avoided teaching some topics

* Just under fifty percent said they were afraid of community/parental backlash from some topics so were less likely to teach or talk about them in class. (including pleasure and same sex attraction)

* Topics that teachers said they would like to see included in the sex ed curriculum were: Same sex attraction, pleasure of sexuality, communication and negotiation skills, sexual decision making, respectful relationships and contraception.

* Almost a quarter of the teachers surveyed were unsure whether their school had a sex education policy.

Actual quote from survey:
“Teachers indicated that sexuality education should start in primary school and cover topics such as relationships and feelings, names and functions of body parts and reproduction. For most of the topics listed in this survey teachers stated that they should be taught earlier than they were actually teaching them as per curriculum. ...While the majority of teachers (51%) thought sexuality education was very effective in increasing knowledge and understanding in sexuality and sexual health, they judged sexuality education programs less effective for teaching young people about exploring and clarifying feelings, values and attitudes, developing and strengthening skills and promoting and sustaining risk-reducing behaviour.”

 

It's clear from this that most teachers are aware of what should be taught and when it should be taught but are mostly afraid to do so. Especially when it comes to teaching kids about pleasure which, when you think about it, is what sex is. It is pleasurable. It feels good. It is ultimately why most people have sex - for the sensation.

Telling children it is wrong or bad or dirty or beneath them is the first step to creating guilt, shame and confusion. But it feels good! How can it be bad??
In the same way we teach kids to enjoy chocolate but not be irresponsible with it and eat nothing but junk, we need to be able to tell our kids the same kind of things about sex. Sure it feels good, it can be one of the best things out there, but it comes with risks and responsibilities and ways to make sure you come out the other end undamaged. Just telling them how awful it is, without addressing the things they know to be true (like how good it can feel) is only telling half the story. As adults we know you can't build an Ikea bookshelf without half the instructions, why would we send our kids into the world with only half the instructions and then expect that bookshelf not to come crashing down and potentially kill them?

 Just look at these figures.

STI Rates (taken straight from Australian Bureau of Statistics "social trends" June 2011)

Chlamydia... For women aged 15-19 years, the notification rate increased from 569 per 100,000 in 2001, to 2,228 per 100,000 in 2011
Gonorrhoea... The national notification rate for people aged 15 years and over was 65 per 100,000 population, up from 40 per 100,000 in 2001.
Syphilis... The 15-19 years age group increased by 60%, 35-39 years increased by 84% and 45-49 years increased by 129%.

 HIV AIDS... In 2010, there were 1,031 new cases of HIV among men and women aged 13 years and over, or 5.5 notifications per 100,000 population.

 

 This, all of this, is why I have written my book. I believe there is a great deal of information our teenagers are not getting due to parental ignorance or embarrassment, teacher and school restrictions or lack of guidelines on what can and can't be taught.
There needs to be a place where kids can go to get all their information and knowledge from that is not only age appropriate, but correct, respectful, fully inclusive and spoken in a language they understand. They don't need to be told “no”. They need to be told everything, and then make up their own minds as to what they will do. I truly believe if we want to raise intelligent adults, we need to start with having informed children.

Why can't you just be a MOTHER??

I am about to do something I never in a million years thought I would ever do. Ever. I am about to stick up for Kim Kardashian. I know right. What the fuck?

I will admit it was only about a year or so ago that I found out exactly what a Kardashian was. Seriously. I thought it was a clothing line or a dog breed or something to do with Paris Hilton when I first heard the name. I don't follow celebrity news, I don't read or buy trashy magazines, and I have no interest in watching Entertainment Tonight or any of those things. So yeah. I didn't know who she was or why she was famous or even THAT she was famous. But I digress.
The second thing I am about to do that I never thought I would is to use a Kardashian in the same breath as feminism. I know. Strap yourself in... This IS going somewhere I promise.

I have (apparently) odd views of feminism. You see, I think of feminism as a thing where women can choose to be and do anything they put their minds to. Whether they decide to be a sex worker or a brain surgeon, if they have made the choice to be who they want to be, good on them. Power to you! Yeah sisterhood! I put “apparently” in brackets because I couldn't tell you the number of times I have been told that I am not a feminist because of the work I do, or I am just some silly little brainwashed thing who has been tricked into thinking I'm making my own mind up but really I am just a product of false consciousness and must be saved. Yawn. Yeah, whatever.

So, back to Kim Kardashian. She recently published a photograph of herself online. It's a pic of her in a pretty small leotard, posing butt-popped in the mirror. It's an okay picture. She has a fantastic booty. And, considering Kim Kardashian is famous for being famous and her butt is one of her most famous assets, I say whatever. Enjoy. Wish I had a butt like that.

Enter moral crusader and saver of women and identifier of all things feminist and otherwise, Mia Freedman.

Sitting up on her morally perfect high horse she writes of this picture “Are you a Mother or a Porn Star?” and then goes on to not only shame and ridicule the photograph but deem her some sort of bad mother because, god forbid, she has a body she is proud of and wants to show it off.

Well here is a big hearty fuck you, Mia. Who died and pronounced you god of motherhood and what mothers should do?

I bet you a hundred bucks if it was a picture of a woman posing post baby showing stretch marks or wobbly bits, Mia would declare it “brave” and “beautiful”. If it was a woman of plus size wearing a bikini and posing sexily Mia would post a blog on how wonderful it is that women are loving their bodies... But for some reason this offends her. She talks of the “whip lash” she got from looking at the booty pic and then a pic of Kim's new baby basically saying that, to her, a woman must be one thing once she has a child: A mother. A demure and pure and non sexual thing without any thoughts or ideas of personality beyond that of motherhood.

She goes on to deem the photograph “desperate and sad” because, you know, someone who is famous for having a body like that and showing that they still have a body like that after having a baby is somehow going against what we all know the Kardashians to stand for? Um... No.

You know what IS desperate and sad? The fact that Mia Freedman makes a hell of a lot of money shaming and judging other women for being whatever they choose, under the guise of some kind of concern for the children (won't somebody think of the children!!!!) and saying nothing of any real value or importance other than “look how morally upstanding I am and how shameful and wrong other people are who do things I deem shameful and wrong”.

The thing is, some mothers ARE porn stars. Some mothers are truck drivers. Some mothers stay at home and do the housework. There is nothing in the world wrong with a mother doing things other than being a mother. I know, from my own personal experience, if I was ONLY a mother I would go fucking crazy.

The biggest kick in the face really is the fact that unfortunately some mothers are not very good. Some mothers drink the grocery money and leave their children in dirty nappies and squalid conditions. Some mothers ship their kids off to everyone they can so they can have a social life and do not love or care for them the way they should. Some mothers abuse their children physically and sexually. This is where this outrage should be placed. Not on a picture of a woman (who happens to also be a mother) showing her butt off in a leotard.

I find the whole thing utterly repulsive. How dare you declare, in your oh-so-distateful way, that mothers cannot be sexy or proud of their sexuality. How dare you slut-shame. And, more importantly, how dare you make me get so pissed off I end up writing a blog in defence of a Kardashian! How very dare you!

(Because I have no intention of giving her any more traffic I have not posted a link to the offending blog here. If you want to see it, Google is your friend... But I won't lead you there.)

Video response with Angry Aussie to Caroline Norma's piece in the age where she calls for the re-criminalisation of sex work and refers to "Prostituted Women" being exploited and how bad "pimps" are...

Condom Conundrum

In response to a reader's comment last night about the fact that I don't mention condoms in my blog...

There's actually a reason for this and I wrote about it a few years ago for People Mag... This is taken straight from the archives of my old People Mag file. I haven't edited it or re-written it, it's pretty much exactly how it was in the magazine...
Hope this explains things!
xxDB 

  Someone pointed out to me the other day that I don’t talk too much about condoms in my stories. That even though they are full of fucking and sucking and various positions and parties, the guys never seem to be sheathed.

Well, let me assure you all that I never work without a rubber. Ever. It’s just bloody common sense really.

I have, on some nights, fucked up to six or seven guys and, as much as I enjoy losing myself in tingling ripples of pure pleasure, there is no way I would ever get so lost I’d forget something as important as that.

I suppose the main reason I don’t mention them very often is that, even though they are a necessary part of my job, it just isn’t the sexiest thing to slot into an erotic tale. I just don’t think it’d work. Like this…

John sat beside me and watched hungrily as I lay back, naked and smooth, against the pillows.

My skin buzzed as he nibbled at my neck and teased my throat with his fingertips before moving to linger at my nipples, teasing them til they were standing up hard.

He continued down, running his hands and tongue all over me until, cupping my arse firmly in one hand, he pulled me up off the bed towards him and pushed a couple of fingers from his other hand deep inside me. He rocked me back and forth and I couldn’t help but make little noises and move my hips in rhythm with him.

Then, pushing deeper still, he raised me even higher off the bed and began to pull me slowly towards his mouth where he began to lap ever so gently against my soft folds and my eagerly swelling clit. The soft sliding of his tongue blended together with the hard fucking of his hand was an amazing combination and my body tensed and shuddered as the two extremes took over.

His cock throbbed next to me and I reached over, holding it in my fist, feeling each pulse run through my body like an electric shock ending at my pussy, which ached to be filled by him...

I rolled away for just a second and reached over to my bag, where I rummaged around for a little bit, finally pulling out the little square packet, tearing it open and pulling out the lubricated condom. I held it over the head of his cock and, squeezing the tip gently, rolled it down over his shaft, trying hard not to catch the pubic hairs in the tight sleeve…

See what I mean? Something in the telling just takes away from the story and, as much as nearly everything I have ever written about in this column is true, I don’t think there’s that much harm in omitting certain details. Of course, I can’t omit them when I’m at work so I just try and incorporate it into the fun. In fact, I can put a condom on better with my mouth than I’ve ever been able to with my hands… But that’s another story. 

Added Comment about oral sex on me (which I used in my response to reader's comment):
Oral sex is a tricky one, there are dams but I find them to be quite useless to be honest. I use my own discretion when it comes to allowing natural oral on me. Over the years one becomes quite good at subtly looking for anything that could be detrimental to my health.