Review - G-Balls 2 With App

Normally when I do a toy review I set aside about a fortnight. I first get the toy, and have a hand play with it. You know, feel the material, turn it on, feel the strength of the buzzes (expert tip, test the buzz on the end of your nose. Seriously. It gives you a very good indication of just how powerful or not it will be. The nose tip is far more sensitive than the fingertips). I read through the instructions and features etc, and then I get down to play. I usually have a few different sessions with it to work out all the features and try and get the best and most thorough results that way. It's a process and a system that's always worked for me.
This toy is a bit different, and required a different process, so it took quite a bit longer to test and review.
The G-Balls 2 (with app) is a kegel training ball system that you can use on its own or with an app to help you keep track. The reason I took so long testing and reviewing it is because, well, Rome wasn't built in a day. It would be a bit like me reviewing an all-in-one gym machine, using it for a week or so, and then writing about the (most likely) lack of results. It's not a proper test of its ability and I'm just short changing anyone who wants the actual real deal info.
When it comes to training and strengthening any part of your body it takes time and patience to really see any results. Most kegel ball training advice says it can take anywhere up to twelve weeks to see definite improvement in the muscles, but that is often in extreme cases of muscle weakness like women can experience after giving birth. I have quite a strong pelvic floor to begin with so I was at an advantage coming in to this, but the great thing about these balls is they will work and be useful for anyone at any level.

So first let's get the specs out of the way.
The G-Balls 2 are made of medical grade, body-safe silicone and ABS plastic. They measure 1.2” x 3.2” so they're not too big or scary looking to a first-time user. They are fully rechargeable and 100% waterproof and come with a one year warranty.
They can be used with or without the app (available on smartphones with Bluetooth 4.0) but the app has six training programs as well as a bunch of different “rewards”and badges so it's a great way to mark your progress and get the best out of it that you can.

Before I go into my review I will mention that I have tried a very similar product (The Swan Clutch) and found it to be one of the best kegel exercisers I have ever used, so these balls had quite a bit to live up to insofar as comparing one against the other.
Just like the Clutch, one of the features of these balls is the squeeze to buzz function. Turn them on and squeeze the bottom ball with your fist and you'll the vibration turn on in the top ball. When you release the pressure the vibration stops. When the ball are inserted it is a really great way to gauge how strong your kegels are and how long you can hold them.
There are a number of different ways you can use them. You can set it so it's on a permanent buzz (this is great as a pleasure device), or a buzz-when-squeezed setting (self testing your muscle strength), or you can connect them to the app and follow the programs on that. You can also use the app programs in an off-line setting but I'll get to that in a minute.

The app is super easy to set up. Make sure the balls are fully charged (the little LED light will turn on when charging and off when full), turn on your Bluetooth, find the “Magic Kegel” app in the Apple Store or Google Play and follow the instructions.
The app asks you a few questions to narrow down what sort of program would be best for you. It even asks your gender, because men have pelvic floor muscles too and these can work to help strengthen them too (benefits include helping bladder control after prostate surgery and helping to increase libido and orgasm strength among other things) It is a fairly simple questionnaire about what you want to get out of it, for example is this a sex thing? Or maybe you've just had a baby, or are preparing for the birth? It then suggests which program would be best for you. Each program has levels ranging from beginner to expert.
Because they aren't too big insertion is easy, especially with a bit of water-based lube. Pop them in, make sure the string (which is the receiver for the Bluetooth) is outside of your body. It's best to be lying on your back with your knees up and slightly apart, this is for ease of insertion and also the best position to be in to really get a good squeeze going.

The app has a cute, perky girl voice to talk you through the exercises (it may be a guy's voice for the men's setting. I'm not sure.). I will say that after a few goes the perky voice irritated me a bit. But that could just be me. She tells you when to squeeze and when to rest, and there's a count thing you can follow too. But I have to say the best thing is the bird. So the harder you squeeze, the higher your little bird flies. I started not listening to the girl's voice and just started squeezing and trying to keep my bird in the air. It's not easy. Even when you're squeezing suer super hard. I actually wonder if the sensor is a little off, because when I removed it and squeezed in my hand the bird jumped, but when inserted and squeezing my hardest sometimes it didn't even appear on the screen. And I know it's not because my muscles are bad. I found if I lay really still and had the bottom ball kind of not completely inserted, it worked well. So I dunno, maybe it's my vag, but I found that frustrating. And exhausting! (I took it out at one stage an popped in the clutch, and that one worked fine with my squeezing... So I don't know).

The other thing I found frustrating was the device kept getting disconnected and then would randomly connect again while I was trying to figure it out. I thought at first it was a reception thing, having to have your phone right near the device to get it to work, but then I decided to test it walking around the house and it stayed connected for about ten minutes before cutting out and back again. I even decided to try it walking around the local mall but that completely didn't work and I thought I'd look funny if I kept waving my phone in front of my crotch just to get a connection.

With every program level you complete, you are rewarded with beans and badges. The beans you plant and grow and the badges help monitor your progress. I have to be really honest here, once I had got the hang of the exercises I wasn't all that fussed about the rewards. It was really complicated to work it all it and what to do to get what badge and, well, it's not Mario Kart. I should also point out that I am not particularly technically minded so it really could just be me, but I found bits of the app super confusing and the programs and badges etc just a bit naff. It certainly was helpful in the beginning to get an idea of the exercises, but all the extra stuff wasn't too exciting nor necessary for me. There are the options of different buzz settings and the more you play the more functions become available, so for a pleasure thing that's pretty cool. And it also a menstrual calendar which is brilliant for keeping track of your cycle.

The main problems I have with this device is the app. It just seems too glitchy and temperamental. At one stage it would not even pair with my toy. I sought some advice from a techie person and they suggested uninstalling the app and starting over. I did this and it worked... But I lost all my beans, all my badges and rewards and had to reset the menstrual calendar. It just seemed like a lot of work for something that should essentially be fun and easy and out of the way after five or ten minutes a day.

Now let me talk about the offline mode. So from what I can understand and have read about, the offline setting allows you to do the programs without being connected to the app. I really don't know how this works and for the first few times I tried it, it didn't seem to connect at all. Then, after I did the whole resetting thing it did and I had the first exercise program running constantly, and to be perfectly honest I could not (still cannot) figure out how to turn it off. It's still on offline mode now. Three days later. The app keeps freezing on me, and the touchscreen bit that you're supposed to click to take it back to online mode won't work. I think I'm going to have to uninstall it again.
But I probably won't.
All in all, even with the issues, I actually like this toy. I like what it does, what it's for and what it's trying to do. I just think if you're going to have something connected to an app, you need to really really be sure the app makes things easier, not harder.
I've talked to a few people who own this toy and they have all enjoyed it. They have all cited glitches with the app, but no-one seems to have had the full on frustrations that I did, so this could very well me a “me” thing. I really am bad at technology. Really. Phones die on me, computers explode, even automatic doors don't open for me (most likely cos I'm a short-arse) so I really don't want to make too many grand statements about the app, just in case it IS just me. But these are my experiences so I will leave it up to you to decide. I will also say that I sent the guys at Fun Toys a tweet asking about the Bluetooth when it first went weird, and they came back to me straight away and offered assistance both on twitter and email, so that was awesome customer service and I rate that really highly (have edited out email address for privacy).

I will also say that my kegels are even stronger than they were at the start of this journey. I would put that down to the regularity in which they suggest you exercise, the fun of the buzzing (and the frustration of the NOT buzzing which makes you squeeze even harder and, although is probably an error in the sensor, definitely helped my strength!) and that, in turn, keeps you going back. Even the app, before it decided to be a pain, was fun for a while and got me on the right track.
I will give these balls a 6 out of 10. If the app was a bit easier to understand and user friendly for a techno-dimwit like me, I would probably have given it an 8.

Happy Buzzing, My Friends!

Review: Permission 4 Pleasure Box Set.

DISCLAIMER:

Morgana Muses; the owner, producer, writer and star of Permission 4 Pleasure films is my friend. In fact, she is one of the very best friends I have ever had. We met just as her journey was starting to blossom and I have watched her grow into the amazing, award-winning, much sought after feminist pornographer you see today. Her most recent award being the winner of Heartthrob of the Year at the 2015 Feminist Porn Awards.

I must also mention that I was involved with one of the films I am reviewing here, as a script consultant, and have spent many nights gas-bagging on the phone about scenes and upcoming ideas and projects, and always screeching with laughter, because we are so very funny together. Seriously. We should have our own show.

All that being said, I will be as objective and as neutral in this review as I can possibly be. Enjoy, and never forget to give yourself permission for pleasure. You're worth it.

Permission 4 Pleasure Box Set - A Review

Morgana Muses is an incredible woman who, in her late 40s, decided that being an unhappy wife and the mother of two gorgeous girls was not enough to keep her fulfilled. Her children were grown and almost ready to begin their lives away from the nest, her marriage was one of constant second guessing and depression and she wondered to herself “is this it?”

Taking an almighty plunge, Morgana left her life as “suburban housewife” and stepped into a world of erotic storytelling, freedom of expression and pornography... And she hasn't looked back. Her films follow this journey of awakening telling everyone, women, men, young and old, allow yourself to enjoy, express and indulge yourself. Give yourself Permission for Pleasure.

Winning numerous awards, including at the Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards, the CineKink film festival and being featured in international film festivals in Berlin, Paris and New York, Morgana is the new kid on the block making waves with her fantastic message.

Duty Bound

Winner Petra Joy Award 2012. Selected for Cinekink NYC 2014. Nominated Feminist Porn Award 2014

This is Morgana's first film. It is only a very short vignette (four minutes) but it encompasses a lifetime of emotion. An erotic tale of desire and the search for self, an awakening of passion and the epitome of what Permission 4 Pleasure is all about, all set to a gorgeous erotic film of mostly black and white.

I love this film. I love it for its message, for it's beauty. It's not a horny film. It's not porn in the sense most people think about, but that's the point. Everything we are taught by mainstream media about sex, pleasure and sensuality all fits into a neat little box. But desire is not something only one box can hold and it's time to speak to the many who prefer life outside that box.
Morgana Muses is that storyteller. And boy does she do it well.

New Tricks

This film is probably my least favourite of the lot. It has some amazing potential and would be really interesting to see her maybe re-do it now that her experience has grown.

The theme of this stays true to the running theme of P4P and is based on those ridiculous “How to Be a Proper Wife” handbooks from the 1950s.

You know the ones. Full of rules about ladies being seen and not heard and living life to fulfil the whims of their husbands.

Taking the rule book and twisting it to an erotic theme is not only clever, it's a great reflection on the life Morgana left and the one she has subsequently created.
My issue with the film is that I found the scenes (especially the first one) to be far too long and rather stagnant. There's not a lot of camera changes and I found the couple performing in the first scene to be as stagnant as the shots. Some more noise, some movement and some close up action would have jazzed it up a bit. It kind of looked and felt like they were mostly going through the motions rather than absolutely enjoying each other, which I reckon would have really improved it.

The second scene, the four girl orgy, was definitely better. These girls are very obviously enjoying themselves and each other. There's some of the most natural and body-shaking orgasms I've seen in recent years and you truly get a sense of connection, friendship and lust with these women. There's laughter and conversation and a real bond you can feel through the screen.

Again it probably could have been shorter, but it was definitely enjoyable to watch.

Music Box

Honourable Best Mention Cinekink 2014. Nominated for Feminist Porn Awards 2014. Selected Berlin Porn Festival 2014.

Starring internationally acclaimed, award winning feminist porn star Zahra Stardust this is another great film in which Morgana uses her real life experience to translate into art.

It's the story of a woman packing her bags as she reflects on who, what and where she is in life.
The discovery of an old music box sets her imagination and passion flaring and we see a glimpse into the mind of a woman desperate to break free of the bonds of normality and to be swept up into a dance of erotic freedom and self expression.

Showcasing her magnificent pole dancing skills as well as her very erotic and sexy self-pleasuring techniques, Zahra shows us what real sexual freedom can feel like.

I think the only think I don't like about this film is the fact that Zahra wears a full face mask throughout a lot of it and I personally do not like them. I understand the concept and why they chose to use the mask, we all wear masks, we are all Morgana inside at one stage or another in our lives, but for me personally I find them a bit weird. It's a mark of how good the film is that, even faced with something I usually find quite confronting and scary, I was still turned on and enjoyed watching.

A Call For Help

Selected Berlin Porn Film Festival 2014. Selected Cinekink 2015.

This is my favourite out of the whole box set. It could be because this is the film I helped work on, but I really do think it's more than that.

This film was definitely a step outside the box. This film is basically a comedy. Yes, you heard right, comedy porn.

And it works! It's funny! It's erotic. It tells a story. It's definitely something I am very proud to have worked on but I am even more proud of Morgana for creating this idea and concept and then being able to pull it off successfully.

This film tells the story of Rebecca who is trying very very hard to masturbate herself to climax.

We've all been there. Whatever you try, whatever you use, you just can't reach that peak. Frustrating!! So Bec decides to put a call out to her friends to help.

The film then follows her friends, via three short vignettes, who are all in their own erotic entanglements and unable to really help... Or are they?

Of the three middle stories, two of them have been recently selected to be played in international festivals.

Picnic Outside

Probably the weakest of all the vignettes, this one is a sensual scene of outdoor loving. There isn't a lot of comedy nor explicit sex in this scene, which is one of the reasons why I think it's the weakest, but the photobombing cat walking through centre screen at one stage certainly lightened it up.

As I mentioned this one is far less explicit than any of the others, but there are a couple of moments of erotic connection between the couple and that is quite lovely.

Happy Birthday Mistress - Selected for Nachtschatten BDSM/Fetisch Film Festival, Germany

Professional Dominatrix, Domina Vex, shows us how a Mistress expects to be treated on her birthday. With spanking and flogging and wrapping and even balloon popping, this small scene is abundant with fetishes without being overwhelming. The pure enjoyment on her face as she plays with her slave and celebrates her birthday is one of the reasons I love this scene. It is a joy to be allowed a glimpse into her dungeon and an honour to share her birthday treat.

The Mechanic - Nominated for Feminist Porn Award 2015

I love this scene. It's funny, it's sexy, it's erotic and it definitely shows us why Morgana is getting a reputation as having one of the “prettiest gineys in porn”.

When she takes her car to the mechanic he definitely gets to have a thorough look under the hood and gives a whole new meaning to the words “Drive Shaft”.

There is so much raw energy and erotic passion in this scene that you feel like you need to wind the windows down a little bit to reduce some of the steam.

The film wraps up like it begins, with colour, humour and a sense of real enjoyment by all who were involved. And that's the sense I get from almost all of her films. A real connection between the actors and the screen. A feeling of pleasure and friendship and of the bonds we create when we open ourselves up to erotic experience.

This box set is the start of what I know is going to be a long and successful journey for my wonderful friend. The accolades she is receiving from industry professionals around the globe are those often saved for veterans of the field. That these praises are coming so soon and in such volume for a relative new beginner is a testament to her vision, her hard work and her passion to make wonderful films and educate the world on living their own erotic truths.

She is an inspiration to so many and someone I am proud to know both personally and professionally.

The box set is available to buy from here and from there you can follow and stay informed about all the new adventures she is taking this year.

Review: Fun Factory Stronic Eins

I've been testing and reviewing toys for years now and over that time I've enjoyed watching the industry grow and change. I've seen improved, softer, smoother materials. New shapes to replace the typical lady finger style, bright colours that have moved away from flesh coloured penises, and fresh attitudes towards them creating more acceptance for women to buy and use them. It's been liberating and exciting to be part of, but, in saying all that, it's actually really rare that something new catches my attention as something "different".

I mean essentially vibrators and dildos, as much as they've changed, are still basically the same. Regardless of whether they use batteries, or have a rechargeable power source, or even plug into mains power, at the end of the day they buzz, they tickle, they go in and around your bits and help make your sex life more exciting and stimulating.

There have only been a few toys in the past ten or so years that have wowed me to the point of "oh my god this is so brilliant and so innovative why didn't I think of this!"

The two that come instantly to mind for me are the We-Vibe range and the Jimmy Jane Form Two, and now I am pleased and a little excited to add another genuinely different type of toy to this exclusive list.
The Stronic range from Fun Factory.

The first time I saw one I thought "Oh yeah, just another rechargeable straight vibe with bright colours". Nice and smooth, cool colours and magnetically chargeable, but not "different" . And then I turned it on.

From the instant I felt it move in my hands I wanted to try one and, luckily for me and the work that I do, it wasn't long before an awesome company (the good folk over at Sex Toys 24/7) offered me one, the Stronic Eins, to try.

So what is it about this toy that makes it so different? Unlike almost every vibrator out there, regardless of shape or style, this toy does not simply vibrate - although there are some settings that have vibration included.

No. This toy is different. This toy thrusts. Like actually thrusts in and out. This is due to two large ball bearings that move up and down the shaft and push it back and forth. Seriously strong movements, I reckon this thing would kick arse in a vibrator race.

It's made of phthalate free silicone and has a thick, solid feel about it. It has three really simple to use buttons. One to turn it on and off and two (a + and a -) that change the speed, rhythm and intensity of the thrusts. All up it has ten different settings from slow pulses to fast thumping, vibrating awesomeness and blended mixtures of them all.

Because of the thick, matte silicone you need quite a lot of lube to make sure it's properly slippery (I'd recommend something water-based and thick like Wicked's Toy Love lube) and, although I've read several releases from the company that claim it can be used hands-free, this requires great concentration and mega strong kegels which not everyone has so you may need to hold it in place a bit to make sure it doesn't fall out, but once it's turned on the sensations it gives are not like anything I've ever felt before from a sex toy.

It sort of thumps and pushes and pulsates inside you. Awesome for internal and g-spot stimulation.
I can honestly say it felt pretty damn good. If you're like me however, and rarely, if ever, orgasm from penetration alone (and according to research around 80% of women can't), you'll probably need a little extra help "getting over the orgasm hill". All good, folks. One of my trusty, buzzy bullet-style vibes did the trick and all I can say is WOW! The buzz, matched with the thumping, pulsing, thrusting movements from the Eins, kept my orgasm going for longer and stronger than when I just use a vibrator. It was an all over orgasm. Clitoral, vaginal and mental. It was, in the simplest of terms, fucking sensational.

If you don't like the idea of having to use two hands to hold both the Eins and a bullet you could always slip a vibrating cockring over the shaft to add to the clitoral stimulation and I reckon that'd work just as well.

As I mentioned earlier about kegels, this thing will definitely help with the training and strengthening of them because your vagina squeezes and holds on to it and it's also really fun to have someone else using it on you and keeping it in place.

It charges magnetically and, although I've used it quite a few times since its initial charge, it's still going strong.

It's 100% waterproof so you can submerge it in the bath and also comes with a two year manufacturers warranty.

I really rate this toy. For innovation, uniqueness, sensation and performance. If you're looking for something new and different to add to your toy box they don't come much better than this.

There are three Stronics in the range so far, the Eins the Zwei and Drei (one two three), and each one has the same amazing thrust technology but are slightly different in texture and shape. 

To check them out go HERE and do yourself and your orgasms a favour.

Until next time, 
Happy buzzing (or thrusting), my friends!

Review: Jimmy Jane Form 2

This is an older review, however, revisiting the toy recently has confirmed everything I originally thought and wrote about it....

Enjoy! I certainly have been!

As a sex toy reviewer it is very rare that I see something new and exciting. Yes toys are improving day by day with new materials, better buzz settings and charging options etc, but, when it comes to design, mostly it's a bit same old same old when going through the range. This is why, when I first saw the Jimmy Jane Form 2 on a website, I knew it was one I had to try one to see if what I was seeing was actually as good as it looked.

Let me first say yes. It absolutely was. Now, let me explain:

One of the most popular selling sex toys ever is The Rabbit. Almost every toy company has one in their range and, as much as I always enjoyed the rabbit part of them, I never really used the main part. This then became an issue of having a bulky phallic toy attached to the buzzy clitoral stimulation of the rabbit ears (or penguin beak or dolphin nose or whatever cutesy critter was amimal-of-the-month on these types of toys) and just seemed like a waste. I've found a few little “just rabbit” toys around the place but mostly they were flimsy and lacked any kind of power and were a bit of a let down. Since then, however, the designers of Jimmy Jane Form 2 seem to have read my thoughts and have created a toy that is essentially just the rabbit but with the feel and power of a proper clitoral vibrator.

The shape is a bit like a fat tuning fork with a small palm-sized body and two prongs and is made of silky phthalate-free silicone (with a stainless steel base where it's charged).

It has four different vibration settings, five levels of power and two (one in each prong) motors which, for such a small toy, gives it a real advantage in power. The pulses and vibrations are all pretty good; waves, beats, shakes and buzzes, and work together inside the prongs to give maximum sensation to your bits. Some of the pulses are in stereo (meaning each ear vibrates at the same speed and time) and in other settings they vary a bit, allowing a multitude of sensations to flutter and buzz against you.

Another interesting and unique thing about this toy is that while yes, you can hold it so that one of the prongs is directly on your clitoris, that's not the primary way this toy is supposed to be used. You see, what a lot of people don't know is that the nerves of the clitoris fan out from their central point and the unique design of the ears allows this toy to use those outer nerve endings to stimulate orgasm. In my opinion this doesn't minimise sensation (although it is a bit different), but it can be great for girls who find right-on-the-clit buzzes to be a bit too much. It can also be used in a similar way around the nipple and areola.

It is completely waterproof, so you can use it in the shower or bath and is also fully rechargeable with a little dock/stand to sit it in which is a bit like a iPod. The setting on the charge stand is quite sensitive, so if you accidentally knock it or don't place it properly on the dock it stops charging. It only takes about two hours to fully charge and then lasts around seven hours before you need to re-dock it. Simple warm water or a toy cleaner will get it ready for your next use and it also comes with a three year limited warranty.

This really is a great new and unique toy that makes me happy and satisfied and full of hope that the toy industry is not going stale and that there are always new idea to find.

Until next time, 

Happy buzzing, my friends!

Review: We-Vibe 4

I really like We-Vibes. I have tried, tested and reviewed quite a few of their products (you can read some of them, as well as loads of other sex-based stuff I write, here yes click it it's a link ) and have always enjoyed them, especially their couples toys. I will admit that some of the earlier versions  had some issues with certain usability factors but they were still fun and enjoyable and, as each update came along, those issues were sorted out to make it better and better. And now we have come to the 4.

            The We-Vibe 4 is different to the others in a few ways. The first being the material it is made out of. Gone is the slick, shiny silicone which, especially when all lubed up, had a tendency to move about a bit and lose it's hold. It's been replaced with a more matte silicone that is smooth and velvety to the touch and doesn't get anywhere near as slippery. They have also changed the size and shape a bit. The toy itself is smaller and the insertable end isn't as bulbous as the previous ones, but still manages to hit the spot like the We-Vibe III did.

            The vibrations also seem to have improved with more intensity to the buzzes and, although there are a few differences to the pulse patterns, all six of the settings are good and suitable for everyone's  different preferences of strength and vibration.

            The remote is a bit different too. Where as on the III there was just one button to push through the modes, the We-Vibe 4 has four easy to use buttons that can increase the intensity (up for more, down for less and to turn off) and change back and forth (side to side) through the settings so you don't always have to go right through the whole sequence to get back to the one you like best.

            To use it all you have to do to turn it on is push down the little button on the front end of the toy for about two seconds and then either push through that to get to the sequence and intensity you like, or use the remote. Just hold the remote next to the toy and press the top button down for a few seconds and it syncs up. If you need to, use a bit of lube (always use a water-based lubricant with toys as some silicone ones can damage the material) to insert the smaller end and then the larger end rests nicely against your clitoris. It can be a great toy to use solo, but as a couples toy, it really comes into its own when your partner slides in next to it. The G-Spot is stimulated, the clitoris is stimulated and the penis is as well. My partner really enjoyed it. He said the material felt nice and the inserted part was not distracting or in the way at all and the vibrations were “sensational”. It really is a great toy for everyone!

            The remote control (which comes with a lithium coin cell battery) has a range of around three metres and, because the toy has a really quiet motor, it could be a fun thing to take out on a naughty dinner date or shopping trip. The new, less slippery silicone, means that it won't slide around too much if you're standing or walking and the remote is small and discrete enough for your partner to put in their pocket and push at their discretion.

            It's fully waterproof (not the remote though) and really easy to clean with a good toy cleaner or antibacterial soap, and it comes with a stand to sit in while it charges. It charges via usb, which can be a bit tricky if your computers are in a part of the house that other people use, but a converter plug is cheap and easy and then you can charge it wherever you like.

All in all this new version of the We-Vibe is a real winner and I think the only thing they could maybe do to improve on it (We-Vibe 5 perhaps) would be a feature where you could have the two motors able to be doing different pulses and sequences at the same time, to really maximise enjoyment and buzz-ability.

I give this new version a 9/10 and think it is definitely an upgrade We-Vibe lovers will enjoy.

 

After first publishing this I have become made aware of the newest We-Vibe upgrade which will be hitting our shelves sometime in the next month or so: The We-Vibe 4 Plus. This is pretty much the same as the We-Vibe 4, but it can be controlled via a smart-phone app... From anywhere IN THE WORLD!!!

Needless to say... I WANT ONE!
Will Keep you all posted. Until then...
Happy Buzzing, my friends!

UPDATE!! OMG I am so so excited to announce I will be reviewing some amazing new products for the awesome crew at Sex Toys 247 (It's a link! Click it!!) First one will be a We-Vibe 4+
See! Dreams do come true!!

Why can't you just be a MOTHER??

I am about to do something I never in a million years thought I would ever do. Ever. I am about to stick up for Kim Kardashian. I know right. What the fuck?

I will admit it was only about a year or so ago that I found out exactly what a Kardashian was. Seriously. I thought it was a clothing line or a dog breed or something to do with Paris Hilton when I first heard the name. I don't follow celebrity news, I don't read or buy trashy magazines, and I have no interest in watching Entertainment Tonight or any of those things. So yeah. I didn't know who she was or why she was famous or even THAT she was famous. But I digress.
The second thing I am about to do that I never thought I would is to use a Kardashian in the same breath as feminism. I know. Strap yourself in... This IS going somewhere I promise.

I have (apparently) odd views of feminism. You see, I think of feminism as a thing where women can choose to be and do anything they put their minds to. Whether they decide to be a sex worker or a brain surgeon, if they have made the choice to be who they want to be, good on them. Power to you! Yeah sisterhood! I put “apparently” in brackets because I couldn't tell you the number of times I have been told that I am not a feminist because of the work I do, or I am just some silly little brainwashed thing who has been tricked into thinking I'm making my own mind up but really I am just a product of false consciousness and must be saved. Yawn. Yeah, whatever.

So, back to Kim Kardashian. She recently published a photograph of herself online. It's a pic of her in a pretty small leotard, posing butt-popped in the mirror. It's an okay picture. She has a fantastic booty. And, considering Kim Kardashian is famous for being famous and her butt is one of her most famous assets, I say whatever. Enjoy. Wish I had a butt like that.

Enter moral crusader and saver of women and identifier of all things feminist and otherwise, Mia Freedman.

Sitting up on her morally perfect high horse she writes of this picture “Are you a Mother or a Porn Star?” and then goes on to not only shame and ridicule the photograph but deem her some sort of bad mother because, god forbid, she has a body she is proud of and wants to show it off.

Well here is a big hearty fuck you, Mia. Who died and pronounced you god of motherhood and what mothers should do?

I bet you a hundred bucks if it was a picture of a woman posing post baby showing stretch marks or wobbly bits, Mia would declare it “brave” and “beautiful”. If it was a woman of plus size wearing a bikini and posing sexily Mia would post a blog on how wonderful it is that women are loving their bodies... But for some reason this offends her. She talks of the “whip lash” she got from looking at the booty pic and then a pic of Kim's new baby basically saying that, to her, a woman must be one thing once she has a child: A mother. A demure and pure and non sexual thing without any thoughts or ideas of personality beyond that of motherhood.

She goes on to deem the photograph “desperate and sad” because, you know, someone who is famous for having a body like that and showing that they still have a body like that after having a baby is somehow going against what we all know the Kardashians to stand for? Um... No.

You know what IS desperate and sad? The fact that Mia Freedman makes a hell of a lot of money shaming and judging other women for being whatever they choose, under the guise of some kind of concern for the children (won't somebody think of the children!!!!) and saying nothing of any real value or importance other than “look how morally upstanding I am and how shameful and wrong other people are who do things I deem shameful and wrong”.

The thing is, some mothers ARE porn stars. Some mothers are truck drivers. Some mothers stay at home and do the housework. There is nothing in the world wrong with a mother doing things other than being a mother. I know, from my own personal experience, if I was ONLY a mother I would go fucking crazy.

The biggest kick in the face really is the fact that unfortunately some mothers are not very good. Some mothers drink the grocery money and leave their children in dirty nappies and squalid conditions. Some mothers ship their kids off to everyone they can so they can have a social life and do not love or care for them the way they should. Some mothers abuse their children physically and sexually. This is where this outrage should be placed. Not on a picture of a woman (who happens to also be a mother) showing her butt off in a leotard.

I find the whole thing utterly repulsive. How dare you declare, in your oh-so-distateful way, that mothers cannot be sexy or proud of their sexuality. How dare you slut-shame. And, more importantly, how dare you make me get so pissed off I end up writing a blog in defence of a Kardashian! How very dare you!

(Because I have no intention of giving her any more traffic I have not posted a link to the offending blog here. If you want to see it, Google is your friend... But I won't lead you there.)

The Ups and Downs of it...

(A re-done edited version of an old People Mag column)

Someone asked me the other day, “How much sex is too much?” And I jokingly replied, “I’ll let you know when I get there.”

I'm lucky. Working hasn’t affected my non-professional sex-life in any way at all (except in the positive). I still enjoy sex as much as always and have found, through my work, a whole bunch of new and exciting things to do and try but, when I thought about it a bit more, I did come up with something.

Now, I bet you’re probably thinking I'm gonna say something about “too much” being in a walking-like-a-cowboy-can’t-sit-comfortably-for-a-week kind of way, but I wouldn’t refer to that sort of sex like that at all – I mean, that might make it seem like I thought that was a bad thing… No, I’m thinking about those times where one hour seems to go for three and I just can’t wait for it to end.

Let me first clarify and make something very clear, it’s never about the client’s looks, experience, size (be it cock or body), or things like that at all. I never have, and never will judge anyone on those superficial and aesthetic things. No, the times when it really just gets too much has only ever come down to one or two things, and when I say come down… Well, I guess you could say that’s one of them.

Again, let me explain and be very very clear, I’m not talking about the problems some men have with impotence and premature ejaculation. That's a very real issue and one I spend a lot of time talking to people about, giving advice on and suggesting tricks and techniques and products to use and I would never look at that circumstance in such a selfish or negative way. I know how bloody frustrating it is for guys who have to deal with that situation. Also, I’m not even talking about the guys who have been out on the piss (or other stimulants) all night, and are having a communication breakdown between their top and bottom brains – I gotta tell you, it’s usually more their breath than their boner that’s the problem. No, it's none of these things at all. They happen. It's life. But, what I am talking about is when those guys, for whatever reason (medical issues, substance based, stress or emotionally caused), lose the moment halfway through but then completely refuse to accept it.

Like I've said, I know sometimes it goes soft and that’s okay, shit happens. Sometimes it comes back (Yippee!!) and sometimes it doesn’t (Aw bummer) but if, unfortunately, it doesn’t come back then I’m sorry, but sex is just not going to work. It just isn't.

Like any self-respecting nympho I have a very strict condom rule. If it’s not on, it’s not on, and unfortunately if it’s not up then you can’t get it on, or keep it on if it happens halfway through. A limp cock in a condom is a very ineffective tool and there’s nothing worse than when a guys tries to keep using it.

It’s like trying to thread cooked spaghetti through a needle. Not only is it a virtually impossible task but it’s also one I cannot see the purpose of at all. He just gets frustrated and pissed off at himself as he awkwardly and unsuccessfully tries to push it inside me which, to be honest, feels horribly like a loosely wrapped slug being pressed against me. To make things just a little bit worse, those people who know me know I have a rather horrid (if not somewhat ridiculous) fear of slugs and so the whole sensation and thought of it just makes it all that much worse.

But really, it’s that stubborn refusal to give up and admit that it’s not going to work that frustrates me the most and makes it endlessly tedious.

Seriously, guys, there are so many other things we could be doing that are way more fun and sexy rather than getting yourself all worked up and upset and stressed out about “doing it”. And not only that. I mean, aside from my own personal exasperation and boredom, it just seems like a waste of your money.

So, ironically, I suppose what I’m saying is the times it’s been a bit too much, is when there’s not been too much of anything at all!

Tim Tam Slam! AKA Mouth-Gasm!! Yes, there is such a thing...

This is a video that I have wanted to do for ages and I finally got around to it with the help of my awesome mate and video blog partner, Angry Aussie.

So, for all my wonderful overseas friends and followers who have asked me (and my goodness there are a lot of you) what a Tim Tam is, and why I am always talking about them and what is so damn special about them... This is for you.

Enjoy!! I know I did!!

Sexy Costumes Are Sexy

@AngryAussie and I love to have a little fun with our vids... This time we roped in the delicious @ViolaTurtleDove to come play too!

The shop I work in has heaps of funky costumes and so we decided to show some of them off... And then we made a video!

Enjoy!!

Unsexy Times...

This is probably one of the most common questions I (and I am sure other sex workers) get asked... My answer is always the same... So I thought I'd post it up here. This is a mix and match of a few different pieces I've written over the years for People Mag...

Q: Do you ever have times when you just can't get in the mood for sex? I'm sure you're not “on” all the time. And what if the guy is really fat and ugly? What do you do then?

Surprisingly enough, even a super sex goddess like myself has down days. We all do. It's a part of life. You know those days when you hate everyone and want to avoid human contact wherever possible. Where no matter what anyone says or does they're just irritating and in your way and you wish you were like one of those lizards that can flash bright, warning colours so other creatures know to stay away. Or those blue days when you just feel low for no reason and even shitty ads on TV make you want to weep.

For me, those sorts of days are never anything too serious, I'm generally a pretty happy and positive person and usually reserve those sorts of moods for when I'm having my period. But every now and then, sometimes for no particular reason, I have a bit of a blah moment. 

Like I might wake up with a horrible red pimple right in the middle of my face or feel bloated and sluggish from something I ate the day before. My hair might be having one of its fits and morphed itself into an untameable crazy-cat-lady style, or I could just get up on the wrong side of bed and be in a “Don't-talk-to-me-til-I've-had-my-coffee” kind of mood. Whatever it is, there are some days when I look at myself in the mirror and think “ugh, what happened to you??”

It helps if you're able to recognise these moods because there's usually something you can do to make yourself feel a bit better, and it also helps if people around you can spot them too.

Of course, if you're anything like me, you'll probably want to rip the head off the person who even merely suggests you might be in a bad mood, but at least they'll know to steer clear, or bring you chocolate, or not completely hold a grudge when you go mental at them for chewing their toast too loudly. 

When I was working and having one of those days the last thing I wanted to do is work. I don't think it would be fair of me to turn up and give a half hearted service or be irritable and unfriendly towards the client. Not only would it be completely unprofessional of me, it would also be a waste of my clients' time and money. The whole point of my job, and the most important aspect of it, is making the client feel good so I usually won't take any bookings if I'm feeling lack lustre. Of course, considering I often worked late into the night, there have obviously been a couple of times where I've felt tired and over it but have a job booked, so there are certain things I can do to help me perk up a bit.

The first thing I try and do is eat the right food for the right moment. For example, if I know I'm going to be at a job for more than a couple of hours then I make sure I eat bananas or Weetbix or some other low GI food before I leave, which keeps my stamina up for the job. I also try and make sure I have something like a bag of barley sugars or jelly snakes in the car. The quick sugar fix is great for a quick burst of energy, especially at 3am when it's just too ridiculous to think of having a coffee or energy drink.

I should point out, however, that I am very lucky in the fact that it doesn't take a lot for me to want to have sex. Getting “in the mood” isn't something I have to work too hard at, I'm almost always up for the suggestion. I can't really explain it, I've always been this way. If I could bottle it I would and not only make myself rich, but make millions of people around the world happy and satisfied.

But, in saying all that, sometimes it's not me at all. Sometimes, no matter how “in the mood” I am something about the job just turns me off.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don’t have too many expectations when I go to a booking. I know not every job is going to be with a super-spunky, mega-rich playboy in a suite at the Hyatt and that’s okay. I genuinely enjoy meeting people. I really do. I like people, and people are short, tall, fat, thin, bald, hairy, old and young. I honestly don’t give a crap about that outer stuff. I've met enough good looking guys who are idiots and not-so good looking guys who are fabulous to know that the aesthetics don't count.

You could be a lawn mower or a lawyer; eighteen or eighty, it really doesn’t matter. The only thing I expect, and I don’t think it’s too much to ask, is that A) you are friendly, and B) you are clean.

As for the first part, I luckily haven’t come across too many total fuckwits - it’s not that easy being a bastard when a gorgeous girl has your cock in her hands - but when it comes to the latter, there have been a few times when I've turned up at a job and the guy is unclean and totally smelly.

Just so you know, I’m not really talking about those been-out-all-night-drinking-and-dancing smells, those are the inevitable odours of a night on the town and, although they don’t compare to baking bread or fresh brewing coffee, I can usually handle them. But there’s one smell that gets to me and makes taking my clothes off the last thing I want to do, and that’s the rancid, sour smell of stale sweat.

You know the one that lingers in stifled peak-hour trains in summer and seems to permeate and take up residence in your nostrils so that even when you've got off the train and back into the fresh air you can still smell it? Yeah... That's the smell I mean.

I could understand if I was to get to the client's place at 5:30pm and, because he's just finished work, he is still in his work clothes and hasn't had time to shower or change, but I’m talking about those times when I get there around 9pm and he's still in those clothes. The sweat patches have dried to these greasy, yellow-looking stains under the armpits and around the collar, there’s a bit of lunch still on the front of his shirt and everything he has eaten and drunk since waking up is still on his breath.

I mean come on. It’s not like they didn’t know I was coming over, like I just turned up unannounced on the doorstep looking for a booty call. They've called and arranged the specific time for me to arrive and, not only that, they've called for the sole reason of getting as physically close to another person as one can get. Surely there was enough time to jump through the shower or at least change clothes.

Usually I can avoid being rude or causing embarrassment by suggesting we start the booking with a shower or, if available, a spa. Even if they're not all stinky, it’s a great way to start a sexy session anyway. If that doesn’t work then I’ll go to plan B: A sensual massage with aromatic oil. It’s not as effective as actually washing, but it does an okay job of masking the smell for the hour or so I’m with them and, just like the shower, it’s a fun way to get things going.

But really, Guys, if you're reading this, the next time you arrange for a sexy visitor to come over, give yourself a bit of a sniff or, better yet, once you’ve made the call, just go straight to the shower to have a wash and clean your teeth. It’s really not that hard and, most importantly, makes it a better night for everyone involved. And by everyone, I mean me... I know you'll have a good time, no matter what!

Video: Earth Shattering Orgasms...

(Oops! Totally posted the wrong video for this one! Haha. Let's try that again...)

One of mine and Chantelle Austin's Video Blog series for men on how to have better sex. This one has over 15,000 views!!

Lotta people wanna know how to orgasm properly! Enjoy!

Star Struck

With the fun of my #CelebritiesIHaventRooted Tweets the other day I got quite a few emails etc asking about the ones I had. Now, as a professional I really cannot (and will not ever) reveal that... But I did write a column about it a while ago!
This "celebrity" is a blend of about three people and written in a way that no-one will ever know... Except me. 
Enjoy!

 

When they were giving out self-confidence, I think I must have accidentally stepped into the line twice. I have a lot of it. I don’t get nervous often and I rarely have those I-hate-myself days. To me the expression “lost for words” usually means I’ve been dealt only vowels in Scrabble. I can slot myself into any situation and get along with almost anyone. It definitely helps me at work. The conversation flows and my client’s feel relaxed and at ease. Well, usually...

It was a regular night like any other. I had started work around 9pm and within a couple of minutes I'd been given my first job. It was in the penthouse of an inner city apartment block. I'd visited a client at that building a few months ago so I knew what the place was like and could only imagine how spectacular and ritzy the penthouse would be, considering how nice a second floor place had been.
I travelled up in a beautiful elevator, got to the entrance lobby of the penthouse and rang the bell. The heavy oak doors slid open and the man who had booked me for the next few hours stood silhouetted in the doorway.

He stepped into the light where I could see his face.

“Holy shit!” I said, before realising I’d said it out loud.

Now, as embarrassing and pathetic as I know it is, there really is only one thing in this world that makes me so nervous that either my feet leap into my mouth at every opportunity or I just can’t speak at all, and that is when I meet someone famous. And, worst of all, it doesn’t even have to be someone super-famous like Brad Pitt or Madonna, it has been known to happen when I’m at the pub and the person sitting at the table next to me is the chick from a K-Mart ad.

Yes, I know it is pathetic, I know it is “so high school”, but knowing that doesn’t stop the dribble that seems to flow out of my mouth when I try to speak.

The guy smiled at me. “Hello.”

“Holy shit,” I said again. “You’re the guy from that show!”

He laughed. “Yeah, I am.”

I couldn’t stop myself. “Wow! I was so in love with you when I was younger, I had posters of you all over my bedroom!”

Ignoring the slightly bemused look on his face and the screaming in my brain, ‘Filter! Filter!’ I ploughed on“I even named my pet fish after you!”

I wandered around his living room in a kind of ecstatic haze studying photographs of him with various singers and movie stars. “Oh my god, that's you and Kylie? Holy shit, you know Tom Cruise?”

After a little more “fuckwit” from me, we finally made it into the bedroom and, as he lay me down on the bed and began to kiss and touch me, I thought I was going to faint. It was completely surreal, a fantasy coming to life and, oh wow, it was good! He knew how to touch, how to move, what to say. His hands were soft, yet firm and his body felt amazing next to mine. I have to admit I closed my eyes for a moment and pretended we were in one of his movie scenes. It was even more fantastic than those late night masturbation fantasies I'd had of him as a teenager, because it was real! He was there! I was actually fucking him! Oh my god.

Afterwards, as we lay there entwined in the sheets, I was still unable to stop myself; “If you give me your autograph I absolutely promise never to tell anyone how I got it.”

He turned to me, his eyes twinkling. “Only if you also promise me that the next time I see you, you don’t act like a star-struck groupie, and you don’t name any more pets after me.”

I did see him quite regularly after that and, true to my word, I learnt to treat him (and other celebrities I meet) mostly like normal people. It can be tricky, especially if I am a fan of theirs, but I'm definitely not as ridiculous with it now as I was in the past which is good, for them and for me, and one knows the real story behind the hand signed poster that sits over my dresser.

Well, no one but me and the teddy bear that shares his name. Teddies aren’t pets are they?

Art Appreciation

I wrote this piece originally for Australian People magazine when I had my column "Sophie Loves Sex." This is it in its original form...  For the longer, more descriptive and even sexier version... Well, you'll just have to wait for my book to be published!

Enjoy! 

Simon was an artist who lived in a little upstairs studio in the city. Nearly the whole flat was covered in brightly coloured canvases, and easels containing half finished works.

“Do you like them?”

“Yes,” I said. “You’re very talented.”

“I’m getting a bit tired of the old canvas,” he said. “I really want to try painting on other mediums.”

“Like what?” I asked.

He paused for a minute, thinking. “Could I paint you?” Before I had a chance to respond he added, “I mean paint on you. Make you my canvas, I’ll use body paint.”

“Sounds like fun,” I said.

He led me to a table covered in a white sheet. I slipped off my clothes and lay on my tummy, my chin resting on my hands.

He dipped his hand into the paint. It was cold at first, making my body tense up and little goose-bumps appear, but after a few strokes I got used to it and began to enjoy it.

His hands smoothed the paint across my back, over my bottom and down my thighs, warm and strong.

After about twenty minutes he stopped and stood back to admire his work, pulling over a large mirror so I could see as well.

It was amazing. My back, all the way down to my knees, was covered in these bold shades of blue and purple and silver, all blending into each other to resemble a kind of magical stormy sky - the curves of my body complementing the swirling paint and adding depth and shadow to his work.

He walked around the table, inspecting it from all angles. “You are one sexy piece of art,” he said.

He pulled me back slowly til my feet were on the ground, my elbows still resting on the table, and I turned my head so I could see in the mirror.

He stepped out of his jeans, exposing his hard cock, and came up behind me. His hands slid up my body as he pushed into me, leaving a trail of slivery-purple up my belly, and over my breasts, his slippery fingers pinching at my nipples, making me push back harder onto him.

The paint from my back streaked over his chest and stomach as our bodies slid against each other and by the time we both came, in a slippery, paint-smeared heap, the magical storm had gone, replaced with a greyish mess.

After sponging each other off in a warm soapy shower we shared smoke and a glass of wine.

“I wish you’d taken a photo of it,” I said. “I would have loved a copy.”

“You were so sexy, I couldn’t help myself.” He reached over to a pile of small canvases and pulled one out.

It was a beautiful whirl of spirals and curls all blended together in different shades of green, and just looking at it turned me on again.

“As a reminder,” he said, handing it to me.

I still have it. I’m looking at it now. And considering the tingles I get when I do, it’s definitely still doing its job.