No Little Girl and Other Lies

No Little Girl and other lies.

Not so long ago I wrote an article for the Eros Journal about the # PornHarmKids campaign that was centred around the idea that porn is dangerous for children and therefore should be banned. (You can find a copy of the magazine here: http://eros.org.au/NEJ/issue5/mobile/index.html

Look for issue no. 5 and flick to page 16)

On the surface this movement seemed fairly logical (of course no-one wants their kids accidentally stumbling across, or even deliberately seeking out, hardcore pornography) but when looked at a little deeper it was evident that it had far less to do with protecting children, and far more to do with sexual negativity, stopping conversations and sex education, as well as silencing performers and producers and those invested in the adult industry. To the sex-negative radical feminists that lead these movements anyone involved in the sex industry is either a rapist or a victim and anyone who deems to speak out positively about it is a brainwashed idiot who doesn’t care about women or children.

It’s definitely a clever tactic. I mean, there are few things that tug the heart-strings and create emotive responses more than the idea of children being hurt. In the plight to stop world hunger or extreme poverty the images we see on our TVs are of starved, dying children. When we talk car safety, germ cleaning, internet danger, food health, anything really we know that using children, or the phrase “As a mother...” is a clear and effective way to get people thinking with their emotions and are therefore far easier to sway to their way of thinking.

What’s wrong with that? I hear you ask… Of COURSE we don’t want children dying or hurt or damaged. Why is it so bad to protect the most vulnerable among us? We’re adults, that’s our job!

Well yes, of course, you’re right in many ways… But unfortunately for every good thing that comes from the idea of “protecting children” come those who would use our emotions against us, to spread misinformation and downright lies, all in the name of “Saving The Children”.

This is evident when it comes to groups like anti-vaxxers or pro-lifers. They also use photographs of distressed children to get their messages across. They use highly emotive language as well as clever tricks with language to “prove” their sides and dismiss anything spoken against it as conspiracy or “paid shills”, and are quick to delete, block or, in some extreme cases, antagonise and rally against people in the most horrid of ways (look at the anti Light for Riley people or Sandyhook “truthers” if you need evidence of this).

So yes. It’s clever. Really clever. We, as society as a whole, protect our young. We don’t want to see them hurt or upset, and so using them to highlight an issue or danger gives us that instinctual protector vibe and we feel obligated to help.

Probably one of the most distressing things we can think of when it comes to bad things that can happen to our kids is sexual abuse. The idea of their innocence being ripped away, their futures shattered. It’s horrible to think about and even more horrible to know it actually happens. A lot. To children all over the world from the richest suburbs to the most poverty stricken slums. No-one wants to think that this sort of thing might happen to their kids and so campaigns like #PornHarmsKids effectively draws on that as well as the age-old idea that sex itself - not rape or molestation, just sex- is bad and wrong and dirty for women to do unless, of course, they are married, and therefore any woman involved in anything to do with the sex industry must have been forced and is in need of rescue.

It is with these dirty tactics and sex-negative attitudes that the latest hashtag has spawned: #NoLittleGirl.

In the wake of the FOSTA/SESTA debacle (An American bill that claims to fight sex trafficking but that actually just puts sex workers in a lot of danger. For more info, and I absolutely encourage everyone to look into this and why it’s so dangerous, please read here: https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/4/13/17172762/fosta-sesta-backpage-230-internet-freedom ) radical feminists are using the sudden focus on sex trafficking versus sex work (newsflash, there is NO connection between the two) to once again demonise sex work and sex workers by stating that because no little girl would ever possibly dream of growing up to be a sex worker it is somehow proof that the sex industry is gross and dangerous and should be shut down.

Now, by using this logic can we also assume no little girl ever dreamed of cleaning up vomit and shit so therefore we should ban nursing or cleaning? Also I don’t know how many little girls grew up dreaming of working 40 hours a week behind a checkout, so sorry retail industry, you’ve got to go. In fact I could name a hundred jobs that no-one, girl or boy, would ever dream of doing when they grow up because they’re either gross or hard or boring or just terrible. I mean, when you think about it, that’s practically every job! The only difference being that sex work contains sex and sex is icky and bad.

But, regardless of that, the claim that No Little Girl ever dreams of growing up to be a sex worker is in itself false.

How do I know this? Because I was one of them. From the earliest age I can remember, before I knew what sex was, what orgasms were, what lust or love or desire was… Before any of that I knew I liked it. I knew about the sensations and the way it made me feel. I knew I wanted to explore it. As I grew up and learnt words to put to those feelings I got even more curious, and at whatever age it was that I finally found out some people have sex as a job it was something I wanted to do. I have since met hundreds of women who have said the same, and even more who have said they were fascinated by sex and sexual feelings as a kid even if they didn’t necessarily want to do it for work, hell even Dolly Parton claims she looks the way she looks because she modelled herself on the town hooker she once spotted as a child and was fascinated by.

It’s also important to note, because you will NEVER see anti sex work protestors speak of it as it ruins their narrative, that not all sex workers are women, and not all sex work clients are men. This is actually one of the most important omissions in their arguments because it shows the truth. That women using sex as work makes them uncomfortable because sex itself makes them uncomfortable. It’s got NOTHING to do with “protecting’ women and everything to do with “controlling” women’s sexuality and sexual independence, ironically just like what they say they are trying to fight. It’s a bizarre and twisted point of view that has stemmed from the backwards and dangerous way we speak and learn and teach about sex.

We drill sex negativity into children in so many ways, whether it’s referring to certain parts of their body as “rude” or punishing them for exploring themselves “Don’t touch there it’s dirty!” or expecting girls to be “pure” and policing the length of their skirts or bare shoulders. It’s not only ridiculous (there is nothing wrong with bodies) it’s also incredibly dangerous to their growth and development into a healthy adult. The thing is children DO think about sex or the good-feeling sensations they get in their tummies and, while sex itself is certainly not an act for children, the education around it must be positive and void of shame so that they can feel free and safe to explore and learn and have a solid base of facts and family and love to fall back on when things get tricky or confusing. And you know what? If any of those children do decide when they’re older that they want to work in the sex industry, it is up to us as the generation before to provide safe and healthy environments for them to do so. Pushing for a ban on the industry in the name of stopping trafficking is as useless as shutting down the local pharmacy because someone has a meth lab on the street. 

Sex work IS work. It is a valid and necessary job that provides comfort and intimacy and fun as well as financial security and independence for the people who do it. Regardless of if the provider is working from the penthouse suite of a fancy hotel or on the street, each of them, and every level in between, deserves respect and security and protection and the only way that this can be done is with decriminalisation. It doesn’t actually matter if YOU personally would never do that job or find it distasteful, it’s not about you. It’s about the fact that sex work is not ever going to go away and it shouldn’t have to. That sex trafficking is NOT the same and there are already laws and legislations in place for combatting it. And that as humans living on the same planet we have an obligation to make sure everyone doing a job is kept safe and has the same rights and protections as anyone else doing a job.

If you need any more proof that I am not alone and that sex workers and women around the world actually DID think about sex and pleasure when they were kids, go and search out the hashtag. In true internet activist style it has been taken over by sex positivity and stories from all over the world and all over the gender spectrum showing how false this claim really is and what a ridiculous logic leap they’ve taken.

In my activism and my feminism I truly believe that the only thing little girls should ever grow up not wanting to do is silence other women and stifle their choices (some of whom are the most vulnerable and marginalised in the world) and put them in unsafe and dangerous positions just because what they’ve chosen to do makes her feel icky. Listen to sex workers, provide them with rights not rescue, and join the fight for decriminalisation… And please, stop using children to clutch at your pearls. Their hands are only small and they’d rather be playing with Lego.

The Problem With ProLube... Or, Do You Even Vagina, Bro?

Okay, folks... Strap yourself in cos we're going on a helluva ride!

This one is a doozy! It's got everything you could hope for in an adventure ride. It's got twists and turns, false claims and weird science. It's got insults and lies and, best of all, MAGIC!!!
(It also has a shit load of links and screenshots so bear with me),

I'm also not the first person to blog about this.

There have been quite a few others as concerned as I am including @EmmelinePeaches and her great blog, @DangerousLilly in her Tumblr, and @cbpolis who uses her blog on this topic to show how and where you can complain.

But now... Let the ride begin!!

By now, if you're a follower of mine on Twitter, you're probably aware of the company "Use to Believe" and their magic wonder lubricant, ProLube. I was alerted to it by a good friend and gorgeous sex worker @NtyNikki and, after having a look at the website and reading it all for myself, I decided to take to the mean streets of Twitter and use my connections within the sex industry world, the sex blogger world and the science world to question, investigate and highlight the very big concerns I have about this product.

But first, if you're not aware... Let me tell you about ProLube...

<insert sarcasm font and put on your tin foil hats>

ProLube is so amazing that you won't even be able to believe how amazing it is unless you use it. It will totally science the hell out of your vag. So much so that one application will have you lubricated all day and, just a mere ten hours after that you'll be way horny and aroused as fuck because our magic lube is also a magic-lady-hornifier. Ooh and it will totally clear up your pimples and that nasty vagina-smelling vagina smell girls have. It will make all your period cramps totally gone - except for the fact that you shouldn't use it during your period - and, most super awesomely and magically of all, it will protect against STIs including HIV (but only if you use a condom.... and, like, if you do get HIV or something while using it then it's totally the condoms fault and you should sue the condom company). And it absolutely, totally, 100% works. Honest! I mean sure, there are no clinical trials or evidence or independent testing or scientific backings or any of that pesky “proof” people like to go on about because that's unnecessary and anyway, for safety reasons we decided not to do any tests. You just have to use it to believe it. But no, I'm not going to tell you what's in it. You're far too dumb to understand how the ingredients will work anyway, and, like, you totally wouldn't believe it anyway. It's like magic.

Seriously. You cannot make this shit up.

Out of all the strange claims and bizarre logic and weird science, one thing this dude has correctly surmised is that I am not a scientist. He's right. I'm not. I have a pretty crap brain for it actually... So, when he finally (after days of being asked by many people) posted this link to the "Science" and told us that it was “too advance” I agreed.

Although, as you can see, he underestimated the folks of Twitter... And also my gorgeous friend who shall henceforth be referred to as Bec the Sweary Science Bitch - @bklistingblog - (seriously, she's awesome. Think SciBabe with a Mauritian tilt and an obsession with Star Trek). Bec is not a nuff brain like me. She is a certified, legit, all powerful sciencer with bachelor degrees in Science, Biomedical Science and Health Science. She is a clinical innovation specialist with a focus on global health and microbiology and is an all round smart cookie who knows her shit when it comes to the science of germs and diseases and how all that shit works.

So I sent it to her.

After she finished laughing and asking me “what the fucking fuck, is this dude actually serious, holy fuck what?” She sent me a tell-me-like-I'm-five summary.

For the TL;DRs – It's bad science. It makes no sense. It's guesses at best, and lies at worst... Oh, and according to a couple of other sciencer Tweeps who read it too, a lot of it also seems to have been stolen from other writers, cut and edited, and then pasted together with perhaps ProLube itself.

For the rest, here are the screenshots of her awesome sciencey summary and notes to the author of it:

But enough of the science for now. We have already established I am not a scieney scientist, but something I am, and something I am very proud of being, is a sex worker. Yeah, it's been a while since I've done a job, but that doesn't matter. In my head and my heart I will always be a sex worker.

I am also a sexpert. I research, write, talk about and educate on sex, sexuality, sexual practices and sex work and one of the things that has really bugged me about this whole crazy ride through Lube Town is this company's hijacking of the Red Umbrella symbol and the incredibly ignorant and condescending marketing towards sex workers.

For those who are unaware, the red umbrella is an international symbol of sex worker solidarity and respect. It is special. It is important. And it is ours.

What this person (or persons... who knows how many whackjobs are involved in this scheme) fails to understand, and refuses to acknowledge, is that sex workers not only don't need this help, they also do not want it. Outside sources (read: people not associated in any way with sex work) who claim to want to help, protect and save sex workers are uniformly rejected and avoided, and often hated, by sex workers. They have no knowledge of our work, what we do, how we do, or why we do it. They have assumptions and guesses based on propaganda and whorephobia and, 99 times out of 100, they get it all dreadfully wrong.

This was evident when Mr ProLube was asked why he was marketing to sex workers. His reply? Basically, because sex workers have lots of sex with random people, they don't know who, or what infections, said random people might have.

Well duh. That's not fucking rocket science. But, the thing is, we already know this, buddy. We aren't fucking idiots.

The fact of the matter is that sex workers have one of the lowest rates of STIs than ANY OTHER DEMOGRAPHIC.
Do you know why this is?
Because sex workers are very fucking aware of the risk associated with the work they do and take many many precautions against this. Sex workers are masters of condoms and masters of STI spotting. They can tell the difference between a milk spot and a genital wart. Between eczema and herpes. They can tell if that crusty shit on a penis is just that the dude hasn't washed properly, or if he has gonorrhoea. They. Know. Their. Shit. They are regularly tested and regularly updating their knowledge on all thing sexual health. Because of this, sex workers are the first people who will jump up and down with damn good authority and tell you there is no way, without any proof, scientific data, clinical trials and independent testing and reviews, that they will believe your lube can prevent HIV and other STIs, or waste their well-earned money buying it to find out.

And what about sex workers in countries and places where the education on STIs and protection may not be as prevalent as it is in Westernised places like Australia and the UK etc? 

Well they are precisely the people who need to be warned against this stuff. These are women (yes I know not all sex workers are women but this is marketed as a female lubricant) who will listen to this woo-science and believe it. These are women who will stick this lube inside them and believe they are safe from disease. These are the women who will die because of this false advertising and irresponsible bullshit.

Something sex workers will also tell you, and everyone else they can get within earshot, is that despite your insistence that it's true, and despite your pretty little web page telling us so, there is absolutely NO CURE FOR HERPES!

Yes, you heard me right, folks. Mr ProLube also has a product that he claims (again without any proof or science backing or trials) will cure herpes.

He says someone he knows used it once and their herpes magically disappeared and they were cured (but for best practices you should apply thrice).

This is impossible. There is no cure for herpes. There just isn't. There are creams and pills and stuff that can help lessen your outbreaks and maybe even prevent you from getting an outbreak at all... But there IS NO CURE. The herpes virus is with you for life. It is highly contagious and completely incurable.

The fact that this company is making these outrageous claims is worse than just irresponsible. It's deadly. I urge every single one of you reading this blog to report them. Not just to Twitter, because although that may disable a platform of theirs it won't actually stop them from selling their nasty magical lie lube, but to the relevant authority in your country. The TGA. The FDA. Even The ACCC or relevant Consumer Affairs board in your country.

Oh, don't you worry, Mr ProLube. That is exactly what I will do. Because this shit is bad. And, quite frankly, I'd like to see it die a horrible death before someone who believes their lies does.

Review - The Womanizer

I love new toys! I love new designs! And I absolutely love new toys with new designs that step outside the box...  So... Let's talk about this new product that's been doing the rounds as the Latest-And-Greatest-Most-Unique-Vibrator-Ever-Made-Absolutely-Guaranteed-To-Make-You-Orgasm-Every-Time wonder toy: The Womanizer. 

I've seen the advertising for this toy, I've read the marketing, I've seen the testimonials and the rave reviews. They claim this toy will give you guaranteed orgasms. Not only that, but if you buy it directly from the Womanizer website they offer you a GUARANTEED ORGASM OR YOUR MONEY BACK!! Now I don't need to tell you that's a hell of a claim to make, and one that set my curiosity into overdrive.

The first thing I noticed about this toy was the fact that it doesn't look like any vibrator I've ever come across before. The only way to describe what it looks like is to compare it to those lights doctors use to check your ears, albeit one that Barbie has got to with her Bedazzler and trusty “what chicks like” handbook.

It comes in a variety of pretty colours and patterns, incorporating pinks and blues and leopard print and even Swarovski crystals on one of them. If sparkle and bling are your thing, this toy was made for you.

It has a super sturdy and discreet case to store it in (imagine a heavy duty, zippered sunglasses case), and comes with the handbook, a USB charger and a spare “tip”. 

So just what is so special and unique about this toy? What is it that sets it apart from just about every other clitoral stimulator in the world?
Well that's actually kind of a cool thing. Whereas most vibrators rely on direct stimulation to the clitoris via vibrations, this works differently. This toy works by stimulating the clitoris without even really touching it at all! I know right? What does that even mean??

Well here's the thing, the tip bit that I mentioned comes with a spare, is like a little cap you place over your clitoris, and then, when the toy is on, it works with this sort of gently humming and sucking mechanism that stimulates the nerves and the area around the clitoris and thus brings you to orgasm.

Now I have to say I was sceptical. Like I said at the start, I really like a good strong buzz to get my motor running and simple hand tests with this toy didn't seem to cut the mustard. Like yes, sure, I could feel it sucking on my finger tip and gently buzzing, but it just didn't seem to have the oomph I usually rate so highly. It was also a little bit loud when turned up high and I thought with the gentleness of it and the noise on top of that I would probably get distracted too easily and it would be a fail... But in the name of science I took the plunge and brought it to bed with me.

Let me just say this. I ALWAYS recommend testing the buzz etc of a toy before you buy it because it's important to know just how strong or weak or hard or soft it will be... But in the case of the Womanizer this tip kinda goes out the window. The feeling of it on your clitoris, versus the feeling of it on your fingers, is so different I can't really describe it.

The other thing that surprised me was as soon as you have it over your clitoris and the tip is sealed, you can hardly hear it.

This thing is deceptively strong. But in a totally different way! It's hard to really explain how, but I'll try it with one of my famous analogies. Have you ever had a mozzie bite that you can't itch directly because it kind of hurts, but if you itch around it it feels better? This is kind of like that, without the hurt. It really is kind of remarkable. To every girl who has ever written me a letter asking me how they can get that super buzz feeling without the pressure or direct contact with an over-sensitive clitoris... This is for you. It's gentle enough that it won't cause any stress or pressure to your most sensitive bits, but it works in such a way that the whole area of your clitoris is stimulated and aroused. I was able to bring myself to orgasm every time I used it, and yes, even made myself have a couple of multiples as well. This (multiple orgasms) is something I'm pretty good at doing anyway though, so I'm not going to say it will work as well for everyone.

It has six speed settings, but no rhythms or pulses, and it's so easy to use with a little “on” button and a big jewelled button to push through the speeds. It's also pretty easy to clean too. The silicone tip is removable for easy cleaning and it comes with a spare just in case. The toy itself isn't waterproof so don't run it under water to clean it.

I will say, however, there are a few things I'm not loving about this toy.

Firstly the way it looks. This is just personal and of course everyone is different, but I just think it looks tacky. I'm not into bling or pink or things that look like they came from the Barbie Dreamhouse and this is all those things wrapped up in one. Even the ones that aren't pink have that “girly” look to them and I wonder if it will appeal to anyone over the age of 30.

Secondly I don't like the name. Not only because every time I read it I start singing Britney in my head, but because of the negative connotations around the word “womanizer”. Women are constantly told to avoid players and womanizers. They're bad for us. For our self esteem. For the sisterhood... And so I cringe a little.

The final thing I'm not a big fan off is the fact that once it's in place and sealed and the buzz is going you can't move it. If you do you break the seal and the intensity goes away. I felt a little bit stiff using it for the first few times and I really can't imagine using it as a clitoral stimulator during sex as there would be far too much concentration on keeping it in place and not enough on the actual enjoyment. But again, that's just me.

Overall I really rate this toy. I highly recommend it to women who are curious about sex toys but don't want one that looks and feels too confronting. I know many women find a direct buzz on their clitoris far too much to bear too and this eliminates that completely.It's cute and pretty and actually works, so if you're into cute and pretty, I think you'll love it.

Quite a few people have mentioned the price to me, as it is one of the most expensive toys on the market right now and have asked if I think it's worth it. To that I say, for the right person, yes, for a number of reasons. The main one being the amazing ability it has to stimulate you quite vigorously without being vigorous itself. If you feel like you're too sensitive for direct clit stimulation, but really want to experience the tingling sensations of a good clitoral orgasm, then I definitely would suggest giving this one a go. Yes it's expensive, but I don't think it's a rip-off.

For it's innovation, uniqueness and what I believe could be a revolution in more women learning how to pleasure themselves, I give this toy a 7/10. It loses points for tackiness and not being able to be taken into water.

For the best priced Womanizer's in Australia, you can buy them HERE!

Until next time,

Happy Buzzing, my friends!

No Blood Please, We're Whorephobic

On the subject of whorephobia and of people refusing to acknowledge, respond or answer to their perpetuation of it (see last blog here), I bring you the Australian Red Cross Blood Donation group.

Blood donation is important. I have had friends who have needed blood donations, family members and acquaintances. According to the Australian Red Cross only one in thirty people donate blood, but one in three people will need blood transfusions in their lifetime.

This is sad. Really sad. Millions of people who need blood are going without because we don't have enough people donating blood.

However, this is not the whole story. It is not the fact that Australians are cruel and lazy and don't give a shit about other people. On the contrary. Almost every single person in my circle of friends (and I have quite a large circle of friends) would donate if they could.

That's the kicker IF they could.

For one reason or another they are unable to. Personally I think a few of these reasons or another are completely shit, discriminatory and outdated. But that's the way it is, and it doesn't look like anything is going to change any time soon.
There are four categories my friends who are unable to donate fall into.

• Living in England between 1980-1996
• Having had a tattoo within six months
• Being a gay man
• Being a sex worker

If you take the “Am I Eligible to Donate” quiz on the Donate Blood website, The Red Cross asks you a bunch of questions about your history in order to determine if you are eligible or not.
Questions include are you pregnant, do you have low iron, your age group etc … And they also ask a question about “Risky Sexual Behaviour”.

I totally get that question. It's super important and valid. STIs in the bloodstream can be fatal, and the last thing you want to do is expose someone to those sorts of diseases and infections... It is absolutely imperative to sexual health and sexual practices to be safe and protect yourself and the people you are having sex with from infection.

You know who knows this better than any group in the world?

Sex Workers.

People who fuck for cash.

Know why? BECAUSE IT'S THEIR FUCKING LIFE AND JOB AND LIVELIHOOD!!

Sorry. I got a bit cross there... But for fuck's sake. This is something that irks me so much it should be shouted from every fricken rooftop of every fricken house.

This is their idea of “Risky Sexual Behaviour”

Now I get that unsafe sex is risky. I get that unsafe sex with multiple partners is risky.

I also get that the stigma against gay men and sex workers being “dirty” is rampant in this whorephobic, homophobic world... BUT... it's old. It's so fucking old and tired it's bullshit and stinks of discrimination. Because according to this you can have as much unsafe sex as you like... Unless the person you've had unsafe sex with has also had unsafe sex with a man who has sex with men.

Sure, if you're the sort of person who goes out every weekend and has unprotected sex with people then I get why you can't donate. That's absolutely risky. But that isn't what they're saying at all.

Nope. It's only if you're gay, or the person you've slept with might be.

In fact, Red Cross, to single out and assume all gay men are like this is what is called “homophobia”. Say it with me, folks, H O M O P H O B I A.

No no, say the Red Cross. We aren't homophobic. Gay men can donate... They... They just can't have sex for a year beforehand.

Um...

What about the men in long term monogamous relationships?

What about the men who have casual sex but use protection every time?

What about the fact that AIDS IS NOT A GAY DISEASE?

Nope. Doesn't matter. Red Cross don't want your tainted homo blood. Eew!

Next we come to the whorephobic discrimination against sex workers. Sex work is lumped in with “Risky Sexual Behaviour”. Yes. Risky. Because, you see, money makes it bad. You can go out and fuck a hundred people in a week... But the minute money exchanges hands, well you're probably diseased and icky. They also like to lump in “drug use” in their whorephobia because hookers probably fuck for drugs and drugs are bad m'kay. Conversely, there is no question in there about getting high as fuck on E with your friends and heading off to a nightclub and fucking a bunch of people in the toilets...

Because that's okay. You weren't, you know, paid for it.

This blatant whorephobia comes regardless of reams and reams of facts and statistics that show and prove that among any demographic Australia Wide, Sex Workers are of the lowest percentage of STI carriers in the country.

Here are just some examples of websites, articles, research papers etc that prove just how wrong the Red Cross are in their discrimination:

http://m.sti.bmj.com/content/81/5/434.full

http://m.theage.com.au/victoria/monthly-sex-worker-tests-are-ridiculous-health-experts-say-20110530-1fctn.html

http://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/Content/ohp-bbvs-sti

http://www.acon.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/NSW-Sex-Industry-Report-CSRH-2012.pdf

Several sex worker friends of mine have reached out in recent weeks to ask the Red Cross to please explain this discrimination. On a thread on their Facebook page last week there were a whole bunch of questions being asked.

Why can't I donate if I'm gay?

Why can't I donate if I lived in the UK?

Why are you bowing to Muslim pressure and allowing your biscuits to be Halal?

Why can't I donate if I'm a sex worker.

Interestingly and very tellingly every single comment got a response except the ones asked by sex workers. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
Don't believe me? Here is the link to that thread:

Red Cross Donation Thread

They used their tired old homophobic excuses re the gay men. They explained about the risk of mad cow disease within people who had lived in the UK during those years. They even responded to every single bigoted comment regarding their biscuits... But the Sex Workers have nothing. Not a single comment, explanation or excuse.

Sex workers have provided links to back up their statements about the lack of STIs among them and their peers. They have asked articulate, intelligent, well argued questions.. But nothing.

“I would donate but now you're Muslim dogs” gets a reply but “Please explain why you won't allow a group of people with proven safe and healthy blood to donate?”.... Crickets....

I too have reached out to them on Facebook and on Twitter to absolutely no avail. They just will not respond. At all. Zip. Nada. Nothing.

This is absolutely unacceptable.

I call on every sex worker in Australia, every sex work ally, every friend or partner or family member of a sex worker to get on board and start asking the questions that demand answers.

Why, when we are statistically proven to be of lower risk than almost any other Australian group of people in any state or territory, are sex workers not allowed to donate much needed blood to save lives?

Why?

I'm not holding my breath for an answer...
(EDIT: How interesting. About twenty minutes AFTER this blog was published the Red Cross decided to reply to ONE of the comments on their Facebook thread. One. They said they had to check because they didn't know the answer... I call BULLSHIT! I call stalling because today their Twitter is blowing up. I say revoke your dumb policy now and stop blowing smoke up our goddamn arses. We usually get paid for that. We ain't letting you get away with it for free)

While we're waiting here's some examples from that thread...

Period Sex... Are you Spongeworthy?

Originally written for the wonderful Birdee Newspaper (issue 2). I have decided to put it on my blog as well because it's a question I get asked over and over and I thought it would be good to have a quick link to send to people.

Hi Eva.
I'm curious about sex during my period. I'm always so horny at that time of month but the thought of blood everywhere turns me off. My boyfriend doesn't seem to mind, but I do. A friend said something to me once about sponges? Do they just mean a kitchen sponge? I don't understand. Is that safe? How do I use one?

• Karen

Hi Karen.

It's not uncommon to be ultra horny during your period, which is often in stark contrast with how your body can react to it, you know, feeling sad and fat and sore and irritable, but actually having sex can help fix those things! Sex releases endorphins which can make you feel good, orgasms can help ease period pain, and being desired and wanted by a lover is awesome for your self esteem. But yes, blood. It can be messy, but your friend is right, sponges are awesome! Basically it's a stringless tampon that sits up against your cervix and soaks up blood so you don't leak, but leaves enough room for penetration.

Sponges usually come in three categories and all three have their merits and often come down to personal preference.

You can buy specific “sex sponges”or “stringless tampons”at some chemists and adult shops and online. They are usually small-ish, heart-shaped sponges (often containing a bit of lube to help with insertion). For all you Seinfeld fans out there, remember the “spongeworthy”episode? These are what Elaine is talking about, although she is using them more as a contraceptive with the ones she buys being soaked in spermicide. (the ones I am talking about are NOT contraceptives and should not be used as such. Sure they may block the passage to the cervix and it's not super easy to get pregnant on your period, but it IS possible and you should always take precautions and be safe. They also won't stop STIs.)

You can use natural sea sponges (large ones, not the small ones). These are my personal preference because I find them the most absorbent of all and I like the fact that they're completely natural. You can usually get them sold loose and individually at chemists. Make sure they are around the size of a medium lemon. Don't buy the little individual ones in packets sold as make-up sponges. They are far too small. Before using, soak them in boiling or boiled water to soften them, squeeze out the water (wait til it's cooled obviously) and insert.

And, as per your “kitchen sponge”question, some girls I know use your basic yellow car wash sponge you buy at servos and stuff and then cut it up to size.

Apart from the shop bought ones which are usually sealed in individual wrappers, I would suggest the boiling water soak, just to make sure you get rid of any germy extra bits.

Some tips to remember:

* Check sea sponges for little bits of sand or shell (not always, but every now n then you may find some. The soak is great at getting them out).

* When you are ready to remove it, it's probably a good idea to do it in the shower. You'd be surprised how well these things can hold liquid, and how much there can be, and removing them can be a messy affair.

* The reason I said to use large sea sponges is because the smaller the item is, not only does it not absorb as much as you may need it to, it is also a lot harder to remove them. The bigger the sponge, the easier to get it out. Sometimes it can take a bit of digging around to find it and grab and pull it out.
* Some girls I know will tie a little piece of cotton or fishing line arund the sponge before inserting as that can make it a little easier to pull out.

* NEVER EVER use anything other than your hands. EVER! Oh the horror stories I've heard with girls using tongs or similar. 

* If you're finding it hard to find, relax, breath, push a little. I do know of a few girls who've had to go to a doctor to get them removed, and most often this is because they were too small to grab. The shop bought ones usually have a little finger-hole in the bottom of them which can make retrieval a little easier.

A question I am often asked on the subject of sponges is “but can't the other person feel it?” 

The answer to that is sometimes, but it's not actually that off-putting (according to people I have fucked while wearing one). Usually it just feels like the rest of your vag, soft and spongy, and when they have felt it and known what it was, they haven't particularly cared.

Another question I get asked is “But doesn't the pushing of a penis or something against it make it squeeze out the blood?” 

Perfectly valid question and, to be frank, every now and then, yes. But that is usually when the sponge is super full and, in all the years I have been using sponges (and I was a sex worker for quite a few years) I could probably count on one hand the number of times that has happened.

I have also been asked about how wearing a sponge affects your natural lubrication and, in a nutshell, it doesn't. Lubrication doesn't come from the same place as the blood. It's basically secreted out of the walls of your vagina so it completely bypasses the sponge. You can get super wet and excited (and yes, I am sure there will be a few times you're sure you are leaking and you have to give yourself a quick finger check) without a single drop of blood making its way in there.

When it comes right down to it, period sex is a personal thing. If the blood doesn't bother you or your partner, then there's nothing gross about it at all. If it kind of grosses you or your partner out you can either wait a week til it goes away, or try a sponge and see how you go.

Review - G-Balls 2 With App

Normally when I do a toy review I set aside about a fortnight. I first get the toy, and have a hand play with it. You know, feel the material, turn it on, feel the strength of the buzzes (expert tip, test the buzz on the end of your nose. Seriously. It gives you a very good indication of just how powerful or not it will be. The nose tip is far more sensitive than the fingertips). I read through the instructions and features etc, and then I get down to play. I usually have a few different sessions with it to work out all the features and try and get the best and most thorough results that way. It's a process and a system that's always worked for me.
This toy is a bit different, and required a different process, so it took quite a bit longer to test and review.
The G-Balls 2 (with app) is a kegel training ball system that you can use on its own or with an app to help you keep track. The reason I took so long testing and reviewing it is because, well, Rome wasn't built in a day. It would be a bit like me reviewing an all-in-one gym machine, using it for a week or so, and then writing about the (most likely) lack of results. It's not a proper test of its ability and I'm just short changing anyone who wants the actual real deal info.
When it comes to training and strengthening any part of your body it takes time and patience to really see any results. Most kegel ball training advice says it can take anywhere up to twelve weeks to see definite improvement in the muscles, but that is often in extreme cases of muscle weakness like women can experience after giving birth. I have quite a strong pelvic floor to begin with so I was at an advantage coming in to this, but the great thing about these balls is they will work and be useful for anyone at any level.

So first let's get the specs out of the way.
The G-Balls 2 are made of medical grade, body-safe silicone and ABS plastic. They measure 1.2” x 3.2” so they're not too big or scary looking to a first-time user. They are fully rechargeable and 100% waterproof and come with a one year warranty.
They can be used with or without the app (available on smartphones with Bluetooth 4.0) but the app has six training programs as well as a bunch of different “rewards”and badges so it's a great way to mark your progress and get the best out of it that you can.

Before I go into my review I will mention that I have tried a very similar product (The Swan Clutch) and found it to be one of the best kegel exercisers I have ever used, so these balls had quite a bit to live up to insofar as comparing one against the other.
Just like the Clutch, one of the features of these balls is the squeeze to buzz function. Turn them on and squeeze the bottom ball with your fist and you'll the vibration turn on in the top ball. When you release the pressure the vibration stops. When the ball are inserted it is a really great way to gauge how strong your kegels are and how long you can hold them.
There are a number of different ways you can use them. You can set it so it's on a permanent buzz (this is great as a pleasure device), or a buzz-when-squeezed setting (self testing your muscle strength), or you can connect them to the app and follow the programs on that. You can also use the app programs in an off-line setting but I'll get to that in a minute.

The app is super easy to set up. Make sure the balls are fully charged (the little LED light will turn on when charging and off when full), turn on your Bluetooth, find the “Magic Kegel” app in the Apple Store or Google Play and follow the instructions.
The app asks you a few questions to narrow down what sort of program would be best for you. It even asks your gender, because men have pelvic floor muscles too and these can work to help strengthen them too (benefits include helping bladder control after prostate surgery and helping to increase libido and orgasm strength among other things) It is a fairly simple questionnaire about what you want to get out of it, for example is this a sex thing? Or maybe you've just had a baby, or are preparing for the birth? It then suggests which program would be best for you. Each program has levels ranging from beginner to expert.
Because they aren't too big insertion is easy, especially with a bit of water-based lube. Pop them in, make sure the string (which is the receiver for the Bluetooth) is outside of your body. It's best to be lying on your back with your knees up and slightly apart, this is for ease of insertion and also the best position to be in to really get a good squeeze going.

The app has a cute, perky girl voice to talk you through the exercises (it may be a guy's voice for the men's setting. I'm not sure.). I will say that after a few goes the perky voice irritated me a bit. But that could just be me. She tells you when to squeeze and when to rest, and there's a count thing you can follow too. But I have to say the best thing is the bird. So the harder you squeeze, the higher your little bird flies. I started not listening to the girl's voice and just started squeezing and trying to keep my bird in the air. It's not easy. Even when you're squeezing suer super hard. I actually wonder if the sensor is a little off, because when I removed it and squeezed in my hand the bird jumped, but when inserted and squeezing my hardest sometimes it didn't even appear on the screen. And I know it's not because my muscles are bad. I found if I lay really still and had the bottom ball kind of not completely inserted, it worked well. So I dunno, maybe it's my vag, but I found that frustrating. And exhausting! (I took it out at one stage an popped in the clutch, and that one worked fine with my squeezing... So I don't know).

The other thing I found frustrating was the device kept getting disconnected and then would randomly connect again while I was trying to figure it out. I thought at first it was a reception thing, having to have your phone right near the device to get it to work, but then I decided to test it walking around the house and it stayed connected for about ten minutes before cutting out and back again. I even decided to try it walking around the local mall but that completely didn't work and I thought I'd look funny if I kept waving my phone in front of my crotch just to get a connection.

With every program level you complete, you are rewarded with beans and badges. The beans you plant and grow and the badges help monitor your progress. I have to be really honest here, once I had got the hang of the exercises I wasn't all that fussed about the rewards. It was really complicated to work it all it and what to do to get what badge and, well, it's not Mario Kart. I should also point out that I am not particularly technically minded so it really could just be me, but I found bits of the app super confusing and the programs and badges etc just a bit naff. It certainly was helpful in the beginning to get an idea of the exercises, but all the extra stuff wasn't too exciting nor necessary for me. There are the options of different buzz settings and the more you play the more functions become available, so for a pleasure thing that's pretty cool. And it also a menstrual calendar which is brilliant for keeping track of your cycle.

The main problems I have with this device is the app. It just seems too glitchy and temperamental. At one stage it would not even pair with my toy. I sought some advice from a techie person and they suggested uninstalling the app and starting over. I did this and it worked... But I lost all my beans, all my badges and rewards and had to reset the menstrual calendar. It just seemed like a lot of work for something that should essentially be fun and easy and out of the way after five or ten minutes a day.

Now let me talk about the offline mode. So from what I can understand and have read about, the offline setting allows you to do the programs without being connected to the app. I really don't know how this works and for the first few times I tried it, it didn't seem to connect at all. Then, after I did the whole resetting thing it did and I had the first exercise program running constantly, and to be perfectly honest I could not (still cannot) figure out how to turn it off. It's still on offline mode now. Three days later. The app keeps freezing on me, and the touchscreen bit that you're supposed to click to take it back to online mode won't work. I think I'm going to have to uninstall it again.
But I probably won't.
All in all, even with the issues, I actually like this toy. I like what it does, what it's for and what it's trying to do. I just think if you're going to have something connected to an app, you need to really really be sure the app makes things easier, not harder.
I've talked to a few people who own this toy and they have all enjoyed it. They have all cited glitches with the app, but no-one seems to have had the full on frustrations that I did, so this could very well me a “me” thing. I really am bad at technology. Really. Phones die on me, computers explode, even automatic doors don't open for me (most likely cos I'm a short-arse) so I really don't want to make too many grand statements about the app, just in case it IS just me. But these are my experiences so I will leave it up to you to decide. I will also say that I sent the guys at Fun Toys a tweet asking about the Bluetooth when it first went weird, and they came back to me straight away and offered assistance both on twitter and email, so that was awesome customer service and I rate that really highly (have edited out email address for privacy).

I will also say that my kegels are even stronger than they were at the start of this journey. I would put that down to the regularity in which they suggest you exercise, the fun of the buzzing (and the frustration of the NOT buzzing which makes you squeeze even harder and, although is probably an error in the sensor, definitely helped my strength!) and that, in turn, keeps you going back. Even the app, before it decided to be a pain, was fun for a while and got me on the right track.
I will give these balls a 6 out of 10. If the app was a bit easier to understand and user friendly for a techno-dimwit like me, I would probably have given it an 8.

Happy Buzzing, My Friends!