Period Sex... Are you Spongeworthy?

Originally written for the wonderful Birdee Newspaper (issue 2). I have decided to put it on my blog as well because it's a question I get asked over and over and I thought it would be good to have a quick link to send to people.

Hi Eva.
I'm curious about sex during my period. I'm always so horny at that time of month but the thought of blood everywhere turns me off. My boyfriend doesn't seem to mind, but I do. A friend said something to me once about sponges? Do they just mean a kitchen sponge? I don't understand. Is that safe? How do I use one?

• Karen

Hi Karen.

It's not uncommon to be ultra horny during your period, which is often in stark contrast with how your body can react to it, you know, feeling sad and fat and sore and irritable, but actually having sex can help fix those things! Sex releases endorphins which can make you feel good, orgasms can help ease period pain, and being desired and wanted by a lover is awesome for your self esteem. But yes, blood. It can be messy, but your friend is right, sponges are awesome! Basically it's a stringless tampon that sits up against your cervix and soaks up blood so you don't leak, but leaves enough room for penetration.

Sponges usually come in three categories and all three have their merits and often come down to personal preference.

You can buy specific “sex sponges”or “stringless tampons”at some chemists and adult shops and online. They are usually small-ish, heart-shaped sponges (often containing a bit of lube to help with insertion). For all you Seinfeld fans out there, remember the “spongeworthy”episode? These are what Elaine is talking about, although she is using them more as a contraceptive with the ones she buys being soaked in spermicide. (the ones I am talking about are NOT contraceptives and should not be used as such. Sure they may block the passage to the cervix and it's not super easy to get pregnant on your period, but it IS possible and you should always take precautions and be safe. They also won't stop STIs.)

You can use natural sea sponges (large ones, not the small ones). These are my personal preference because I find them the most absorbent of all and I like the fact that they're completely natural. You can usually get them sold loose and individually at chemists. Make sure they are around the size of a medium lemon. Don't buy the little individual ones in packets sold as make-up sponges. They are far too small. Before using, soak them in boiling or boiled water to soften them, squeeze out the water (wait til it's cooled obviously) and insert.

And, as per your “kitchen sponge”question, some girls I know use your basic yellow car wash sponge you buy at servos and stuff and then cut it up to size.

Apart from the shop bought ones which are usually sealed in individual wrappers, I would suggest the boiling water soak, just to make sure you get rid of any germy extra bits.

Some tips to remember:

* Check sea sponges for little bits of sand or shell (not always, but every now n then you may find some. The soak is great at getting them out).

* When you are ready to remove it, it's probably a good idea to do it in the shower. You'd be surprised how well these things can hold liquid, and how much there can be, and removing them can be a messy affair.

* The reason I said to use large sea sponges is because the smaller the item is, not only does it not absorb as much as you may need it to, it is also a lot harder to remove them. The bigger the sponge, the easier to get it out. Sometimes it can take a bit of digging around to find it and grab and pull it out.
* Some girls I know will tie a little piece of cotton or fishing line arund the sponge before inserting as that can make it a little easier to pull out.

* NEVER EVER use anything other than your hands. EVER! Oh the horror stories I've heard with girls using tongs or similar. 

* If you're finding it hard to find, relax, breath, push a little. I do know of a few girls who've had to go to a doctor to get them removed, and most often this is because they were too small to grab. The shop bought ones usually have a little finger-hole in the bottom of them which can make retrieval a little easier.

A question I am often asked on the subject of sponges is “but can't the other person feel it?” 

The answer to that is sometimes, but it's not actually that off-putting (according to people I have fucked while wearing one). Usually it just feels like the rest of your vag, soft and spongy, and when they have felt it and known what it was, they haven't particularly cared.

Another question I get asked is “But doesn't the pushing of a penis or something against it make it squeeze out the blood?” 

Perfectly valid question and, to be frank, every now and then, yes. But that is usually when the sponge is super full and, in all the years I have been using sponges (and I was a sex worker for quite a few years) I could probably count on one hand the number of times that has happened.

I have also been asked about how wearing a sponge affects your natural lubrication and, in a nutshell, it doesn't. Lubrication doesn't come from the same place as the blood. It's basically secreted out of the walls of your vagina so it completely bypasses the sponge. You can get super wet and excited (and yes, I am sure there will be a few times you're sure you are leaking and you have to give yourself a quick finger check) without a single drop of blood making its way in there.

When it comes right down to it, period sex is a personal thing. If the blood doesn't bother you or your partner, then there's nothing gross about it at all. If it kind of grosses you or your partner out you can either wait a week til it goes away, or try a sponge and see how you go.